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Thursday, 12 November 2009

Gary Glitter...

I watched that Channel 4 documentary the other evening - The execution of Gary Glitter. Such a waste of talent. I know what he did was inexcusable, but really, is *any* crime so bad that it necessitates the taking of a human life by way of punishment?? Obviously, in the current climate, I'm not going to go shouting this from the rooftops or anything but, between you and me and the gatepost, during the mid seventies, when I was at a particularly low ebb and a very crazy and mixed up person, briefly and under the influence of a hazardous cocktail of mind altering substances, I came very close to committing exactly the crime for which Gary Glitter lost his life. That's right, if I hadn't been so addled that my body couldn't even grow facial hair, I could have had a goatie beard myself - I still wake up in the middle of the night with the heebyjeebies thinking back to that period; and now, after seeing what they've done to Gary, I can understand why...

Of course, now he's gone to The Great Theatrical Costumier in the Sky, hopefully some of the good things Gary did will start to come out and give a better understanding to us of this brilliant but confused individual. Like his work with under privileged kids, for instance. And I'm sure anyone who shared his passion for the boy scout movement will agree that his contribution in that direction was beyond reproach. Anyone fortunate enough to have seen him decked out infull Akela regalia, dibbing his dib and dobbing his dob will be smiling at the very thought, no doubt. I certainly never knew you could have so much fun practicing a sheep shank with a willing sixer and a bottle of baby oil.

Obviously, Gary and I knew each other from way back - well before he began to take an active interest in paedophilia. Well, he was too *young* back then! I'll never forget bumping into him at the schoool gates - this was when I was still at Secondary Modern back in Bromley, moonlighting on Saxophone with the Kon-Rads after lessons at the local Espresso Bongo joint in the evenings. He was still known to us all as Paul Gadd back then and hadn't had a hit of any sort at thgis stage. Hardly surprising really, as he was still working full time as a Lollipop Man at the time. But I did sneak off school ocassionally to watch him on stage doing a lunchtime show or two and it was all there in embryonic form; the pout, the preening dandyish grandeur and the repulsive;y sweaty body hair. And who could forget his immortal catchphrase, even back then? "DON'T TELL THE SOCIAL SERVICES!!" He'd yell, before bounding off the stage waving and smiling with an insincerity that was incredibly moving to us kicks-starved teenyboppers.

For a young, aspiring pop minstrel keen to get a winklepickered foot onto the first rung of the ladder of pop stardom, there are worse ways to spend an evening than learning to gyrate saucily in a spangly silver suit wearing a badly disguised chest wig, singing nonsensical lyrics about gang bangs into the bedroom mirror. And I should know - I spent several days with Alvin Stardust (or Shane Fenton as he was known back then) trying to dislodge a cheap fairground ring from a leather gloved finger. He might have been a Coo-c-choo on stage, but he was a hapless git with the digital dexterity of an all-in-wrestler when it came to ring-removal. Still owes me for the vaseline too..

Of course, with Gary, the sexual favours that he demanded for his tuition were a small price to pay, especially for a sexually precocious third former like my good self, for the fabulous grounding he gave me in the art of showmanship. And obviously, it goes without saying that such a generous giver as Gary would be only to glad to let you lick his lollipop afterwards. You see, the man was pure class...

Oh well, 'those whom the gods love...' May his sould rest in peace. I just hope George Michael was watching and has taken the appropriate action vis a vis *his|* useless bit of chin muff, or they'll hav *him* in the electric chair before he can give his legal team a careless whisper...

xxx
Bob

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