Raqqa....
Mid-morning, three stops from the main Raqqa bus terminus....
Stan: 'Ere, Jack - there's a bird on here wiv'aht a veil on....
Jack: (too busy smooching with a scantily clad blonde to hear properly replies to Stan): I left it in yer locker, next to the can of milk stout....(to the blonde bit) ...yak yak yak, cor blimey you ain't arf a right little goer and no mistake...what time do they come orf?
The bus comes to an abrupt halt sending many of the passengers, mostly fully veiled women tumbling.
Stan: Oi, Jack!! I fort I told you not to let any crumpet on the bus unless it had a veil on it. Blakey'll have our guts for garters if he finds out - *literally*! Nar, put that bit of fluff dahn, hook 'er orf the bus and get back to punching tickets. And don't forget you still owe me half an ounce of shag. I wan' it in me locker by the time we get back to the depot. Just leave it by the can of milk stout...
Jack: Alright, alright, keep yer 'air on. I'll escort the young lady orf the bus and see she gets home safely....now, if you'll just kindly follow me young lady....
Stan: Ja-aaa-aaack! Put 'er down fer Gawd's sake (peace be upon him) or yer'll 'ave yer 'ands chorped orf, never mind a flamin' floggin'...
Jack: Ta-da darlin' - safe home...
The blonde lady strides sexily off to her imminent death and the bus pulls off. At the next stop, all but one of the passengers alights leaving just one fully veiled woman on the bus. Jack pulls at the chord expecting the bus to move on...and again...and again...but the bus stays where it is.
Jack: Carm on Stan, let's get back to the depot, I could murder a bacon sarnie and a can of Mackesons...Stan...
The bus stays put.
Stan: I ain't goin' nowhere wiv 'er still on the bus. Carn't you remember nuffink? Regulation 323 sub section a) part vi - '...solitary females will not be allowed to proceed unaccompanied. In the event that a female party is the last passenger on the bus, she should be ejected from the bus so that it may proceed back to its terminus....' Carm on Jack, wakey wakey. Let's get this tart orf so we can get back and knorck orf, I'm ruddy famished....
Jack: Carm on darlin', horp it. We carn't 'ave you sat 'ere all on yer Jack Jones wivout no chaperone....do us a favour love....carm on, yer'll jest 'ave ter walk the rest....
The lady departs and the boys trundle back into the depot where they are met by a subjectively unattractive woman in her late forties and a misreable faced man....
Olive: Where the 'ell ave you two been?? I got a hot flask of broth 'ere for yer lunch, ain't I Arfur?
Arfur: I wish you was a few years younger Olive...
Olive: (blushing) ....Aaaaah! You are lovely sometimes. What make you say that?
Arthur: Well, if you was under 45, you'd 'ave to wear a bloomin' veil...
From off stage left...
Blakey: I 'ate you Infidel scum Butler!!
GRAMS (deflating trumbone notes....) wah wah wah wah...
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