I'm in a band.....(Yay!)....

That's right Swipettes - all those years hanging around backstage in a beehive wig wearing fake leather twinsets with a pretend cigarette dangling seducticely from my lower lip have finally paid off! I've been asked to play keyboards in my brother Bob's newest techno pop combo - and he's even asked me if they can call the group after me. I was a bit sceptical at first, but Bob thinks it's a great idea and cited other great bands that were named after real people - Alice Cooper, Lynyrd Skynrd, Pele, Jeremy Irons etc. etc. So I'm cool with it, plus I get to have my mush pasted over every bus shelter and big issue poster in the Greater London area - what's not to like? I did wonder at first if I was letting my sisters down by allowing my physical charms - yes, that's right, charm*s* (I have at least two) to be put to use selling the band. But then I realised that, hey, if you've got it flaunt it - and if you haven't, you'll probably soon be able to get it on the NHS, once they finish fully privatising it.

Anyway, we've been doing a lot of rehearsing and recording of late and I'm pleased to say that my high school one finger sythesizer line skills have not completely deserted me. OK, I'm no Linda McCartney yet - although I can do a mean veggie sausage roll, believe me - but what I lack in musical ability, I more than make up for in sly sexual manipulation and a thoroughbread's understanding of the minutiae of  the upholstered brassiere. Just think of me as the new Candida Doyle, only without the candida....well, mostly...

Right, judge for yourselves...