Ian Curtis Tribute Album...

It's obviously a great honour to be invited to contribute a track to this wonderful project. Deep, disturbing lyrics, a voice that could chill your spine to permafrost and a highly indiosyncratic dance style akin to someone suffering an unexpected bout of severe cerebral palsy - but despite having seen my stage act, they're still quite keen on me doing a number. I'm ashamed to say that until they approached me to contribute a track to the tribute album I wasn't aware that Ian had actually died, so it was a sort of double whammy, shockwise. And what a tragic loss it is - the Vicar of Dibley will certainly never be the same again, will it? Still - onwards and upwards; and on the bright side, at least we'll be spared all that hand wringing and pompous tin rattling every year on Comic Relief day...

Still, mustn't speak ill of the dead - although you can say what you like about Thatcher while she's still alive, the rancorous, Alzheimered old cunt. All the human feeling of a Hellman's mayonaise jar filled with Bob Holness' dandruff that one. Well, I say alive; she's apparently so brain addled that she's telling anyone who'll listen that she's a Parker-Knoll reclining chair called Bernard. I've never forgiven her for stealing our school milk - fuck knows how much the relatives of the crew of the Belgrano must hate the decrepit old shitbag.

But I digress. Yes, it promises to be a star-studded line up. Personally, I can't wait to hear Jimmy Carr's version of 'She's Lost Control Again' - he's doing it without the steel drum solo, apparently; *very* bold Jim! Isla St Clair's done a terribly moving rendition of 'Love Will Tear us Apart' - Larry Grayson's tap dance solo is a real show stopper by all accounts; oooh! get her! I'll be doing the one he did for the World Cup obviously with Stray Photon contributing a beezer update on the John Barnes rap. Rufus Sewell will be playing the part of Keith Allen in the video - who better to stand around being stubbly and famous whilst wearing the three lions and miming along to the national anthem as if he knows the words?

I'll let you know when it's out...