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Thursday, 22 November 2007

L.U.V. on y'all...

Bob

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32 comments:

  1. Ah, I have the honour of being the first to darken your doorstep on your new improved logb.

    Freedman - one too many d's (amongst other things I've had tonight).

    I can't stop myself with this M Set stuff. There's a connection between them, Fat Boy Slim & Iggy. I'm sure you know what it is...

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  2. Ah I feel truly cleansed. Nice and tidy.

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  3. Hang on - where's all your archive gone to? I haven't got round to listening to the Police pod yet! Have you adopted a Swipe Scorched Earth Policy?

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  4. Lovely whistle, Vanski Boy. Always a good idea to look your best when you're making history, I always say...

    You've got me on the M Set/FBS/Igster question, I'm ashamed to say...Are they all males?

    The archive's gone, I'm afraid Ronettes of Monettes, but you can still access all the podcasts (just click on the link that says...er hem....'podcasts'. There are also 2 new songs up - click on the one that says 'music'...etc.)

    There will just be one post up from now on, so I won't have an archive as such. Still, every cloud and all that - the comments section should be quite interesting after a few weeks/months/years...

    Think of it as a new adventure and it'll all work out fine...

    I saw a large bird of prey - falcon? kestrel? - flying over the park near you this morning...

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  5. Now, where was I?

    Oh yes - blerting.

    I suppose if you think of a weblog as being a kind of e-diary, a weblert is more like a text message or alert; instant, intimate and, ultimately, ephemeral, disposable - a will o' the wisp. So, there'll be no archive here, because there will only be, in essence, one post. I may well copy interesting (well, that's a hasty assumption, I know..) bits into the comments bit - which, incidentally, is probably going to be more interesting than the stuff up here, so you may be advised just to skip this bit and plunge straight in there.

    So, we blert...I blert - u blert etc. etc.

    It was a strangely liberating feeling, mind - deleting all those old posts. 764 of them - that's why it took so long. I thought it was going to feel like defacing a lofty old monument might, but it didn't. No, this felt more like pulling down a wall...

    So, the idea is to get away from the idea of a blog that stores up page after page after page after page of stuff that no one's going to read - or, if they are going to read your back pages, that's only because you've come up on their search for KATE+SILVERTON+CLIT+SYRINGE+OWL+PELLET -or something equally prurient and ridiculous. This way, the post of the day can be read, but it's really only the excuse for what goes on down below. I'm not sure if the technology can cope with this idea - "I can't change the laws of physics, Captain", I can almost hear a demented Scottish engineer yelling from the bowels of the Starshipe Blogger even as I type... - but isn't it a great feeling, not knowing whether something will work or not? If it does, then this will be, I hope, a rather different kind of blog (or Blert, if you were foolish enough to buy into my freshly coined neologism from a couple of paragraphs ago) - a rather topsy turvy one.

    Most blogs work on the premise that the narrator is the guy or gal who's tapping in his or her daily woes/exuberances/date-rape horror stories - whatever, and the loyal readers chip in with their tuppenorth down below. This will look rather different. A short piece at the top, frequently amended and replaced by new content will merely serve as a cover for the more interesting and uncontainable narrative taking shape below, down there where it really counts (ooh, that sounded all Artist Formerly Known as Prince for a second, didn't it?) - in the comments section.

    I realise, you see, that I've drifted a long way away from my initial aims in posting stuff up here. I wanted (still want, I suppose) to do two completely irreconcilable things simultaneously - as I believe most artists, if they're honest, would agree that they also aim to do. I wanted to build up a really, really wide readership doing precisely what I wanted to do to the point of completely alienating my entire audience if necessary, and not giving a fig about what anybody else thought. Obviously, I've succeeded in neither, and have instead ended up with a very small (but stupidly loyal) audience of about 6 or so souls and I've been given a wide berth by the vast majority of readers who like the blogs of that small, fearless coterie. It helps, I suppose, that most of those who still read either know me or know most of the people that I know - again, that's a long way from the original intention, but - hey, I complain at my peril...

    So, I guess, in a way, we're stuck with one another. This has become, whether by choice or design, the place where the respectable blogger comes to slum it. This insalubrious little salon, with all its vices and prejudices and swearing and hissy fits and generally unacceptable and unpardonable behaviour has failed in completely destroying every last shred of interest (although, I'm sensing that we may be drawing ever closer to that point with every letter I type...) And I guess that the only way forward is for me to completely disregard as many of the courtesies and formalities of blogging as I can in the hope that this ...this...thing will one day be allowed just to wither away and die. So, onwards it is, into the chasm of blog hell - no one cares anyway, so at least this way there is the hope that something daring and indefinable and untainted might emerge from the whole shit sorry wreckage that is today and here and now.

    So, there you have it. That's how it is today, here and now.

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  6. 1. FBS & Iggy did a cover of "He's Frank" by TMS.

    2. Your new idea will work in alienating your 6 or so readers. We eventually will tire of scrolling down the comments section.

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  7. Oh and by the way - "no one makes a monkey out of me..."

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  8. Excellent!

    I can 'die' happy in the knowlege that I've taken a few with me - RSI!!

    Total alienation, here we come...

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  9. It's because of supporters like me that Palace are in The Chimp-ionship.

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  10. Reminds me - and this will show you how my mind works - of the Vic & Bob sketch where Les (the bald guy in the Stray Photon-style white overcoat with all the pens in his top pocket) is being wheeled to casualty. He's been viciously pecked - his glasses are skew-whiff and there are feathers all over the place. "Was it the eagles again?" asks Vic. "Yes", replies Bob. "Where did it happen?"

    "Hotel California..."

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  11. I think you're a bit more optimistic than I am about the number of comments I'll be getting, Vanski Boy.

    For some reason, nice as I am, I seem to have a habit of frightening people away.

    Can't think why.

    Fucking Ignoring-stay-away-Cunts - they can go fuck themselves with a prune sideways...

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  12. "...you're a bit more optimistic than I am about the number of comments I'll be getting".

    Don't worry mate. I'll help ya out...

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  13. Kestrel? What a flying can of lager? That'll be the naughty convent girls from Gumley House drinking in the park again! Slappers in brown uniforms - that's what they are. ;-)

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  14. "Slappers in brown uniforms - that's what they are..."

    That's got to be worth a few pervy Google hits, hasn't it??

    I was only alerted to the bird of prey hovering over the urban wasteland of West London by a chap stood by where the brewery used to be, peering into the heavens with his binos....I'm probably imagining that he was wearing plus fours....

    Did you manage to track down that Missing Records cast? I'll mail you the mp3 if not..

    God, I hate this thing - I had so many things I wanted to post about - buying a mint copy of Steve McQueen by Prefab Sprout and realising that I actuially quite liked it after having always professed to hate it...they just get swept away by the detritus of the day...

    Oh well, nearly the weekend.

    Bobsters

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  15. Yes thanks Bobster - got the casts - fabularse indeed! You could just go on Twitter www.twitter.com you know.

    On second thoughts - don't - it sucks you in...I twittered a bit for a while but keep forgetting although my other twitters started twittering nervously as I had gone off the twittering boil. Oh for god's sake - what am I twittering on about? Just off to Aaaahnslaaah Argos to get my mum a new phone. Deep joy.
    Not. Especially as I have to then take the ginger whinger to the annual school disco.H I D E O U S. His favourite song is the wee hoo wwwoer hoo song by Gwen Stefani - I think a thick ear is in order and a large dose of The Alex Harvey Band live might sort him out! Pity me.
    xx

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  16. A lump has come to my throat.

    At least I think it's a lump.

    And I think it's my throat...

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  17. I think I heard the call of that kestrel. It was sent on a wing of light. In its wisdom, it let fall a tiny under-feather. Slowly, neatly did it twist and drift. Neat and tucked, feet under. Head like a beautiful knuckle. Tight and brilliant eye. Brings a tear to eyes tangible and bright. Those eyes are the ones to watch. The bright, new eyes.

    Some of us have talons, some of us have talent. You have the talent Bob. Bright, blistering eye of words.

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  18. That's as maybe Molly, but it's a fucker getting their shit off your car




    Ziggy Woodblume

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  19. I see you as a true blogging pioneer Bob, intrepid, resolute, with your loyal team of virtual bearers, who haven't been paid for months, forging ever onwards into the unknown. Hope that helps.

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  20. How come you're scraping crap off Molly's car, Zig? Got a new day job?

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  21. Bloke with binoculars outside Gumley House? Was he 'twitching'as well?

    Bogus MD

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  22. ...Bob blogs about something other than the football - yay!

    Otherwise...I'm confused.

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  23. Does this mean you're giving up blogging again?

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  24. Bloody hell - I sincerely hope not. We'll have to build a shrine and everything. I'll have to get some Turkey Buie Breezer's in for Christmas so we can camp out and lure him back.

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  25. Blah blah... come back Bob... blah blah... Spurs are great and so's Paul Morley... blah blah... Lucy Ellman will show you her gym knickers behind the bike shed... blah blah... Roxy Music etc etc etc...

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  26. Sorry to be off topic here Bob - whatever the topic is at the minite - but...
    Vis-a-vis cleaning records - yer distilled water is best used in conjunction with Isopropyl Alcohol (3 or 4 parts water to 1 Isopropyl) and a drop or two of surfacant.

    & sod rubbing the buggers - get yourself a Moth Record Cleaning machine.
    Oh deep, deep joy.

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  27. R-b-rt Sw-pe: en-gma or dr-ma qu-en?

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  28. Bro Bert Wipes - undisco'd genus

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  29. Oi! Swipe! Hleb's a big girly poofta!

    (hides)

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  30. You are the kindest person I ever met. Modest genius, sat in the corner playing guitar. In a shop somewhere.

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