The Halter-Neck Paper Clip and Hairband Top look....
I'm often asked how I can afford to look so glamorous, living as I do on a retired serviceman's pension and whatever immoral earnings I can weasel out of procuring for the elderly couple in the flat below - a case of rapidly diminishing returns if ever there was one. Well, it's not easy, I can tell you. And it'll get a darn sight harder if that retired serviceman ever finds out I've been skimming his pension for the last 15 years... But, as the time-honoured old adage has it, Necessity is the Mother of Invention. (Or am I thinking of Frank Zappa?) Regardless; here's a great tip for any of you who don't want to allow total impecunity (or astonishing tight-fistedness for that matter) to stop you looking like the belle (or beau) of the ball...
It's really very simple. All you need is 2 clumps of elasticated hairbands (£2.99 for 50 at Superdrug), 2 boxes of multicoloured schoolroom paper clips (99p for a box of approx. 100 from Waitrose) and about 15 hours to spare. The rest is just a question of having impeccable style - note, connoisseurs, the exquisite arc of the neckline and the insouciant hang of the decolletage... - and being foolish (or foolhardy - or *both*) enough to wear a cheap assortment of badly cobbled together tat to a glittering, star-studded event like the British Soap Opera Awards. The Mascara, in case you were wondering, is of course from L'Oreal.
(Well, I'm whurrr-thet....)
L.U.V. on y'all,