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Thursday, 28 October 2010

Osborne defends increase in gender inequality under Coalition...

Chancellor George Osborne today insisted that the Coalition government will not be swayed from an ecomomic programme which some commentators have claimed lays more of the burden of debt repayment on the shoulders of women.

Women: can't live wiv 'em...

Speaking to a group of business leaders in the midlands, the Chancellor hit back at critics who say that women are being unfairly taxed and especially targeted by cuts to the welfare budget. "True, in my great-grandmother's day, a woman was more than happy to stay at home, raise a large family and act as unpaid skivvy to her poorly paid and often aggressively misogynistic husband. But times have moved on and I like to believe that we live in slightly more civilized times. Nowadays, there are a lot more amusements around the home for the genteel lady of leisure - the internet has opened up whole new areas of entertainment for those who choose not to go to work - online gambling, Mum'snet, soft core pornography - these are all luxuries that would be the envy of our ancestors."

Warming to his theme, the Chancellor upbraided those who accused him of a regressive attack on the economic advancement of women over the past century. "Come on, let's face it, work isn't all it's cracked up to be, is it? You'd think that these ladies would be pleased as punch to have the opportunity to lounge around all day watching re-runs of the Jeremy Kyle show in saucy lingerie and a fetching little faux fox fur stole with a sobranie cocktail in one hand and a marguerita in the other; every so often raiding the Terry's All Gold and engaging in a little harmless flirtation with the DHL delivery man. I know I would. And the shoes - couldn't you just *die* for the opportunity to spend all day trying on your vast collection of preposterously high heeled shoes, perhaps even staging an imaginary gymkhana with all those L.K. Bennet boxes and then having a 'private moment' with Jilly Cooper's Riders. I know plenty of chaps in the cabinet who'd give their eye's teeth for the opportunity to sashay around all day in a skin-tight leopard skin number trying out sling-backs instead of putting in long hours in trying to take Britain's public services back into the 19th Century. You know, some of these women don't know they're born!"

Simon Hughes: Rexless Eric

The Chancellor's line was echoed by Liberal Democrat Simon Hughes. Addressing a Gay Pride rally in Nuneaton, to rousing cheers, Hughes asked the assembled crowd,

Why can't a woman be more like a man?
Men are so honest, so thoroughly square;
Eternally noble, historically fair.
Who, when you win, will always give your back a pat.
Why can't a woman be like that?

Why does every one do what the others do?
Can't a woman learn to use her head?
Why do they do everything their mothers do?
Why don't they grow up, well, like their father instead?

Why can't a woman take after a man?
Men are so pleasant, so easy to please.
Whenever you're with them, you're always at ease.

Would you be slighted if I didn't speak for hours?

The case continues...



  1. I should just like to make it clear that I

  2. I'm not sure that I'd want to be like a man. I couldn't be bothered peeing standing up. I like the rest.

  3. Therese, it's not compulsory. Though it does mean that you can pee over next door's garden wall without having to stand on your head.

    Which pretty much sums up the coalition's equality agenda.

  4. Osborne is every inch the repressed ladyboy — but for the cuts.

  5. Dave,

    I know you won't get the popular culture reference, but that was a very nice Morrissey impersonation there:

    "I started something I couldn't finish"

    You can grab me by the gilded beams *any* *day*...


    MdF (or should that be Therese - what a lovely name. Surname isn't Raquin by any chance?)

    Well, call me an-job-Johnny but I've always thought that the standing up weeing bit was probably the best thing about being a man - which is why I've never gone the whole hog and invested in a sit down lavatory bowl. No! It's Parsisan style pissoir for this boy, every time! (Careful of the splash back, mind...)



    Yes, it's all grandstanding from the Coalition, isn't it? Just wait until they *really* start shitting on us from a great height!


    Welcome - lovely to see a new face on these boards. (Is there a special offer on or something?) Regardless, hope you enjoy your stay.

    Yes, George has a skeleton or two in the cupboard, I reckon. Oxbridge theatrical, remnants of blusher around the cheeks, barely disguised disdain for the female of the species....these are all classic signs aren't they?


    Thanks all for your comments