An unexpected call from Jose Mourinho leads to a pre-season trial at Cheslea. Many of the squad are surprised (to say the least!) to find out that Joe Cole's place in the side will be taken by a 6 foot two inch forty-one year old with two left feet and a serious alcohol abuse problem. (Except the always game for a laugh Frank "Long-Shot" Lampard, of course, who wins a weekend for two on Xante with free car hire using a £10 Paddy Power e-voucher to back his 2,000,000-1 hunch. Lucky bastard!) At least, they reason, he will freshen up the pornographic video collection on the team coach. And thank Christ it isn't Peter Crouch! They're all agreed on that! Expect fireworks when I make my debut at the Reebok and reveal my "You can stick your Vaz Te up your arse!" t-shirt right in front of 'Big Sam' and the rest of the Bolton Wanderers bench. If I score, that is...
Training starts on Monday week, so I must away. I haven't even loaded the machine gun yet or anything:
Live Chescam footage available at:
"Blue is the colour......"
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