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Friday, 24 November 2006

Airport 06...

Passing through Heathrow this morning I was pleased and alarmed by the sight of the now standardised Union Flag British Airways liveries. Pleased because they seem to have eradicated all those poncey po-mo all-the-flags-of-the-world-but-our-own tailfins - you know, that awful conglomeration of tartans and daft squiggles that adorned the tailfins of the national airline carrier's craft through the late eighties and early nineties. I mean, what's the point? If you exclude Brazil and South Africa, we have by far the nicest flag in the world and one, moreover, that is eminently adaptable to a veritable cornucopia of graphic demands. The flag has been put to a whole host of highly effective uses: guitars, mini Coopers, fridges, Jeri Halliwell - these are just some of the things that have been effortlessly customised by the old red white and blue.

But in typically self-effacing Brit style, we allowed our own virtue to be eclipsed - through pandering to the meally mouthed platitudes of woolly minded liberals - by the second rate "can't offend anyone" political correctness of flag facism. Anything, it seemed - swastika's, hammers and sickles, Yugoslav death squad skull and cross bones, even, God help us, Chelsea FC badges (there was no limit to the sick lengths these bastards were prepared to go to) - was preferable to using our glorious Union Flag.

And then came the alarm: I realised that I sounded exactly like Margaret Cunting Thatcher.

Say what you like about her, but.........[Bob exits, screaming]



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22 comments:

  1. I'd like to see Maggie in a Union Jack'd Mini Cooper.

    Holding a hose attached to the exhaust.

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  2. How about Maggie in a Geri Halliwell type Union Jack minidress?
    Now that's an image to conjure with.

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  3. personally i would rather not customise gerri halliwell. as for maggie?

    needles in eyes springs to mind.

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  4. RD image to conjure with,...more like image to induce nighmares...mind you i reckon Spitting image would have a made a good job of it.

    And Bob can we not mention Chelsea FC, I have a deep dislike of them and espeially theire orrible self deluded manager

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  5. I started reading this and thought, I'm going to leave a comment re Maggie. Then realised you'd covered that ground.

    It's the second time today. Elsewhere I misread Neapolitan for Napoleon, then later in the post the writer mentioned the 'French occupation of Italy', early 19th c.

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  6. It's an awful affliction, senility, isn't it Gert?

    I have the same trouble writing it...

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  7. Tedward's Missing Ear24 November 2006 at 11:12

    Re your "we have by far the nicest flag in the world" comment - I would beg to differ. Round here it's known as *"the butcher's apron" and is usually to be seen draped round people like the prat who broke into Stormont today. Although I appreciate you may not have heard about this given that an armed terrorist carrying 8 live bombs, gaining access to a parliament building in session in the british isles doesn't warrant a headline story in the national news.


    * Maggie had a lot to do with this as well.

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  9. Jolly Roger is the best flag EVERRR!!

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  10. "we have by far the nicest flag in the world"

    [..adopts whiney Ross Geller voice]:

    I WAS BEING IRONIC!!!

    Besides, regular readers will know my views on those lard guzzling Proddy scumbags.....

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  11. Margaret Thatcher - evil deluded cow that ruined our country swiftly finished off by Blair (which I'm most disappointed about).

    She single-handedly destroyed social and economic values - she made chidren unsafe, left mental patients unable to care for themselves and old people vulnerable and undignified. Shall I go on? She imposed the poll tax and then the council tax in such a outrageously undemocratic way - no wonder there were riots. There should be more riots now - I don't know how people sit there and take it. I'd be the first to go out there and stage my protest!

    I mught stop onw as I feel an essay coming on!

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  12. Tedward's Missing Ear25 November 2006 at 05:42

    Sorry Mr Swipe. should have known you were being ironic.

    Unfortunately came across your blog while having bad-temppered rant which somehow transmitted itself to my fingers. Hangs head in shame and goes off muttering "must not type while cross" repeat to fade.

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  13. How about a Cross of St. George on a few planes? For the truly patriotic?

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  14. Is Maggie Thatcher's middle name really 'Cunting'? A psycholanalyst would suggest that explained a great deal.

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  15. Maggie Thatcher in a mini dress?!! Jeez, I'm about to sit down to a sumptious meal, and now the (usually very healthy) appetite has well and truly gone.
    Love to see her sucking the exhaust, though (ooeer).

    I always promise Molly I will live to piss on her grave ... and Blair's too.

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  16. That's a good parlour game, though: "say what you like about Maggie Thatcher, but ..."
    The possibilities are endless - "she always stood by her friends, like that nice Mr Pinochet", for instance.

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  17. It's on the way to work, Spin. More's the pity....

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  18. See, I *knew* you lived in Slough

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  19. Margaret Thatcher's favourite pop record was Telstar by the Tornados, which is obviously brilliant. How strange.

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