Friday, 11 April 2008
Archbishop of Canterbury calls for General Synod Shoe Rethink...
The Archbishop of Canterbury (whose real name escapes me right now....but I'm sure it'll come back to me...hang on a mo....no, it's gone...) has called on the General Synod to modernise its attitudes to dress and has put particular emphasis on the Church's rather archaic and, as he himself described it, 'frumpy' taste in footwear.
'The Church's approach to this somewhat saddens me", said (....erm, no, it's still not happening...Ron someone??) the Archbishop to an assembly of Retired Heating Engineers in Aberystwith. "We have all these simply super frocks - like this bijou little purple number I'm wearing - that's hand sticthed that emboidery work under the beard an' all ... must have taken some poor wretch in Mombai *days* to do all that - and yet we stomp around like Men (or women) at C & A in hideously parochial flat soles that are about as glorious in the sight of God as a wet weekend in Frimley. What's wrong with a bit of heel, eh lads? If nothing else, it would bring us a little closer to Him, wouldn't it? For Heaven's sake, it's not as if you *have* to wear the make up - that will remain a matter of conscience, as it always has been."
"I've never been one to hide my light under a bushel - but good God, damnit....the very idea that anyone would not wish to see calves as shapely as these shown off in their best light by a tortuously upright pair of porno heels I find, quite simply, *unfathonmable*. It's high time that under my Ministry, if only on the matter of footwear, we dragged this institution into the Twentieth Century..."
This latest broadside from Archbishop....(oh, nearly had it there....sounds like that Mr. Bean bloke....Rolan?? That's it - Rolan Bolan .... isn't it?) ... comes in the wake of his recent suggestions that members of the Church of England, regardless of gender, adopt an Islamic style of veiled headress. "It would set the rest of my ensemble off *so* nicely - Calvin Klein do some beauties with the logo embossed all over them..."
L.U.V. on y'all,