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Thursday, 24 April 2008

Robert Swipe: A South Bank Show Retrospective...

I'm posting a transcript of my interview with Melvyn 'Lord' Bragg on the South Bank Show for those of you who missed it and/or don't have a video or hard disc recorder/BBC iPlayer - or maybe you're just plain ignorant and uncultured and would rather spend Sunday evening watching tripe based on an extenuated casting session for some diabolical Andrew Lloyd Webber west end musical; in which case, piss off back to your sink estate and your life of binge drinking and dog baiting....

Melvyn Bragg: Good evedig. I'b Belvyd Bragg. Od todight's Soud Bag Show we'll be exabidig the work of add talkig to wud of Britaid's bost iddovadive add codtroversial ardisds; Roberd Swipe. Swipe bade his dabe with a groud breakig add icodoclasdig blog bud has subsequedly bradched owd indo busic, filb, cobedy add hard core pordography. He's beed variously described as 'the bost idfluendtial busiciad of his gederatiod', 'a datiodal dreasure' add 'a bodstrous prevert with the legs of Jibby Saville add a voice like a badly budiladed wildebeesd. I caughd ub with hib id his Isligdon towd house and this filb is a record of our lively add subtibes colourful discussiod.

Good evedig Roberd.

Robert Swipe: Good evening Mervyn. Please, call me Bob.

MB: Tell be Bob, how did id all sdard?

RS: Before I answer that Mervyn, can I just say what a huge fan I am of you and your work...

MB: Oh - thag you very buch...

MB: I'll never forget the role you played in 'It Ain't Half Hot, Mum'. God, I used to love that - ' the gang cause the boys are here.....B.O.B.O.Y.S. boys to entertain *yooooooouuuuuu*!! Why, if I hadn't known it was you acting, I'd have sworn you really were a lisping homosexual in badly applied make up doing a rather lame impersonation of Iggy Pop. And 'Summer Holiday' - you were in that too. Is it true what they say about Sir Cliff?? Does he really have a Waitrose bag for life where his colon should be? And did they ever manage to get Don Estelle out of Windsor Davies? Such a shame; tiny man, but what a huge talent. Still, if he will go nosing around where he shouldn't...

MB: Cad I just brig you bag to your early career Bob; it bust have beed very hard for you, seddig up a global bulti-bedia ebpire as you did, cobpletely frob scratch add all od your owd. Were there dibes whed you thoughd. 'sod dhis for a gabe of rouders?'

RS: Look Marv; I've had many times, I can tell you. Times when innocence I'd trade for company. And children saw me crying - I thought I'd had my share of that. But these miss you nights are the longest.

MB: Roberd Swipe, thag you very buch.

RS: My pleasure Vern. Right - coming down the Emirates? They've got a special offer on; pie and a pint for £ a plastic beaker too! You can do your Jimmy Durante after!! "Siddin' ad by piado the udder day....."

MB: Tob dotch!!

L.U.V. on y'all,





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