When I'm not working (which is not often!), building up my reputation as a Europe's premier(e) glam icon/ukulele based Burlegue artiste etc., I like nothing better than to try and put a little something back into the community, doing charitable works and fundraisers and such like. You know, for the kids. For obvious reasons, I don't like to publicise the enormous amount of voluntary work and the huge investment of my extremely precious time I give up in order to help those less fortunate than myself - which is why I'm posting this blog about it all here. Let's face it, if I wanted recognition, I'd bring more attention to myself standing with a sandwich board in an empty field in Outer Mongolia than I'd get in a year stuck up here. Oh, the stats have gone up alright - *16* hits now. Up from 13 last week. That's per *week* mind. Bastards.
So, yes, I try to put something back into the society that's made me what I am by lending my support to a designated charity every year, and this year the organisation benefitting from my unsung (but, literally, quite Herculean) efforts will be Help a London Raspberry. The charity may not be known to some of you, but you'll most likely be familiar with them once you know that they used to be called the Spastics Society. Unfortunately, that name had to be changed - well, would you like people calling you a spastic while trying to trip you up and kick at your callipers while you're trying to mind your own business in the playground, innocently getting a peek at Tamsin Nederhoff's knickers under the pretext of measuring up her dainty foot for the glass slipper you're pretending that you're having made up for her in a workshop. By dwarves. Well, would you, you little Mong?? Exactly. And neither did I, so I'm very pleased they've changed the name. My God, you could tell that Tamsin anything - she fell for the Spastic thing too. Unbelievable...
Yes, the Spastics Society was deemed, quite correctly, to be offensive and so they've gone for a more subtle name that hopefully will reflect the softer, kinder, gentler image of Spasticity that they would like to present; well, it brings in more money, doesn't it? Soft focus adverts, bit of Coldplay, not quite so much dribbling - you don't want to frighten people off by showing a roomfull of spackos grunting and gurning and pulling themselves off instead of playing with the monopoly set that Keith Chegwin brought with him when he opened the new padded recreation room. (They'd booked Maggie Philbin, but due to an adminitrative error, she was up in Warrington opening a new Severe Burns Unit and so Keith stepped in at the 11th hour. What a trouper.)
The new name is a reference to the Cockney rhyming slang; Raspberry Ripple - cripple. Catchy, isn't it? Damien Hirst's designed the logo which features - isn't he a card???!!! - a resplendent red strawberry! (It's *i-r-o-n-i-c*, apparently....) And we're hoping to raise a stackload of money this year to help pay for it - not to mention the huge army of consultants, managers and administrators we've had to bring in to make sure that everything runs smoothly. And then there are all those hordes of annoying little jerks and jerkesses in their flourescent bibs who descend on every high street across the land and accost passersby in the hope of half Nelsoning a lifetime tithe from them. They don't stand outside in all weathers being spat at by people who've had enough of being badgered by such quasi-legitimate beggars for *fun* you know. Graduates, in the main, they've got to be looking at at least 18K just to get out of bed, let alone all the abuse and the long hours. So, you can see how much your help is needed.
L.U.V. on y'all,