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Friday, 7 April 2006

My Space - a Statement From The Robert Swipe Show

Dear Swipesters,

You will no doubt be aware of the recent furore circulating in the national press (and the Grauniad) regarding internet security concerns raised by the enormous popularity of teen-friendly internet communities such as As some of you will be aware, I have been spending a fair amount of time over at myspace helping my sister Roberta launch her new web-based soft-porn with farmyard animals project and I felt that some of the rumours circulating needed to be addressed here so that our regular readers and sponsors (Advertorial: Twickenham Fine Ales - the only beer you can drink all day and into the early hours of the morning and tell the Managing Director what a shoddy pint you've just had to his face...) would have a more balanced view of our plans and the motives behind this new expansion. Our heavier than usual post bag was brimming with anguished letters on this subject, a sure sign that we needed to go public with our current position.

Let me state that:

1) We have no intention of relocating this site to, in the short or medium terms. Sure, it's great fun there but our heart will always be here with the really and truly great friends (and Scary Duck) we've attracted to our readership over the last year or so. Besides, you don't think a man of my advanced years and barely credible reputation has nothing better to do than stare for hours on end at scantily clad "suicide girls" cavorting mischievously over sharp objects with fake blood oozing down their pert mounds and barely formed nipples do you?? Jees - we got work to do, already! Come on!! Surely you don't begrudge a damaged husk of a man a few innocent and (barely) legal pleasure-filled afternoons involving emotionally damaged young goth nymphettes with a yen for badly laddered ya??

Fractalsuicide: ", where's that scimitar??

2) Contrary to urban myth, we are very much aware that was recently purchased by our sworn enemy Rupert Murdoch and his News International organization. We would ask those who have been critical of this apparently hypocritical move on our behalf to cut us some slack. As you will know, the entire ethos of our enterprise here at Swipe Towers is to subvert and undermine the current status quo. Everything we do here is aimed at challenging and overturning conventional attitudes and mind sets. (Apart from the gratuitous pics of scantily clad birds, of course....but, come on - even Chairman Mao had to have a laugh and let his hair down once in a while.....usually whilst eradicating large sections of the population.) Whilst I can't stop our more sophisticated readers from feeling that we are in some way letting the side down if they choose to, I will say this: when you come running back to us telling us how great we are when the whole shooting games has been closed down because the youth of the world can't take their eyes off Roberta's pins long enough to revise for their GCSEs, I'll only say "I told you so...."

3) I never touched her, officer. The marrows I can also explain...

Love on y'all,


© 2006 Swipe Enterprises

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