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Friday, 7 July 2006

Chuck Palahniuk's 13 Tips for Writers...

I'm intuiting here, but it seems that things are not too good with my virtual acquaintance Dickley Head. Why do I think this? First, he posts depressing Larkin poems that send me and everyone else who read them to the edge of Institutionalisation - I mean, it may be the truth that we're all gonna die and life is trivial, painful and far too short, and where grimmer to rot amid stacks of porn hidden under copies of the Library Association Record than Hull University Library (or anywhere in Hull for that matter) and all that, but come on - there's a world cup on!

Then there were the grudging, noncomittal, 'see if I care', 'whatever', 'what difference does it make, we're all gonna die anyway'Mark-Lawrenson-on-a-particularly-bad-day-style comments. And now, today's threat that he 'let it all hang out' (see comments for previous post) has proved to be a sign that urgent action is needed (he doesn't specify what's gonna be hanging out and this has to be of great concern - especially to those of us in built up areas....) All in all, what with A. Radiographer's depressing account last night of the workings of the NHS (PLC) - more on which, laters - I think we could do with some cheering up. So, in honour of dh's love of (I'm presuming) American Cult (yes, that's the correct speeling) author Chuck Palahniuk, I'm going to post up over the next fortnight, the great man (that's Chuck, b.t.w.)'s 13 tips for writers. Then we'll all be able to give up this pointless blogging lark and get paid handsomely to write pointless and pithy pieces on Balinese table mats for the New Yorker.

Here's part 1:

13 Tips for Writers

Number One:

Two years ago, when I wrote the first of these essays it was about my "egg timer method" of writing. You never saw that essay, but here's the method: When you don't want to write, set an egg timer for one hour (or half hour) and sit down to write until the timer rings. If you still hate writing, you're free in an hour. But usually, by the time that alarm rings, you'll be so involved in your work, enjoying it so much, you'll keep going. Instead of an egg timer, you can put a load of clothes in the washer or dryer and use them to time your work. Alternating the thoughtful task of writing with the mindless work of laundry or dish washing will give you the breaks you need for new ideas and insights to occur. If you don't know what comes next in the story… clean your toilet. Change the bed sheets. For Christ sakes, dust the computer. A better idea will come.

Way to go, Chuck!!

So, come on! Let's rally 'round Dickley here, bearing in mind that, as he's a day ahead of us (check his timeline if you don't believe me...), he'll know the results of the Wimbledon & World Cup finals before we do! Give us the nod, dh, and we'll be straight down the turf accountant's to put our life savings on the winners!!

See - I told you it would all work out in the end....

© 2006 Swipe Enterprises

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