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Wednesday, 9 August 2006
Bobcast7 Is Now Up...
No singing this time, you'll be relieved to hear...
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Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Molly's Quiz Night...
Well, as if blogging and podcasting to the poor huddled masses were not enough, tonight Bob takes his first tentative steps into the world of Light Entertainment (the new Tommy Steele or wot, eh???) Gorgeously scrumptious Penelope Wilton lookalikey The Mollster
has invited Your Humble Scribe to take part in the first of her 'Live' quizzes and being the desperate, fame-obsessed, grubby little attention seeker that I am, how could I refuse? Well, quite simply by saying 'no can do Molls', as I did. But she's a persuasive wee hussy is The Mollster (especially when she's got you in a half-nelson and has started greasing up the marigolds...) and so after a protracted haggle over the fee (in the end, she said I could give her the thirty pounds in installments over the next few weeks, which seems reasonable...) we agreed to all 'meet up' at her place where she will hopefully be presenting a little you-tube intro piece (I'm probably asking too much for her to be scantily clad and smeared in fek blood, I suppose...??) before the serious intellectual jousting begins. I say intellectual, but with Ro-Mo,
Geoff
and Betty
and self taking part, I can see the whole thing lapsing into a frenzy of 'buie breezer based acrimony and name calling before too long. (I know, why she had to ask those two to get involved, I'll never know...It's bad enough at home without being privy to other people's domestics...)
To conclude, I'm sure you'll all join me in demanding of the Bettster, where on earth we can hear her All-Wimmin, Feminist Art Terrorist Collective, The Low Breasts, as alluded to in Saturday's post on her excellent blog thing. I've done extensive web-based research and found nothing, nyet, nada. Mind you, I suppose there's always Ask Jeeves....
So come on The Bettster - let's have a link and I'm sure we can rustle up a big Swipe Show buzz for you (this boy's a fool etc. etc.
Kick off is at 8pm - go on, it's bound to be more exciting than the Liverpool game....
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
has invited Your Humble Scribe to take part in the first of her 'Live' quizzes and being the desperate, fame-obsessed, grubby little attention seeker that I am, how could I refuse? Well, quite simply by saying 'no can do Molls', as I did. But she's a persuasive wee hussy is The Mollster (especially when she's got you in a half-nelson and has started greasing up the marigolds...) and so after a protracted haggle over the fee (in the end, she said I could give her the thirty pounds in installments over the next few weeks, which seems reasonable...) we agreed to all 'meet up' at her place where she will hopefully be presenting a little you-tube intro piece (I'm probably asking too much for her to be scantily clad and smeared in fek blood, I suppose...??) before the serious intellectual jousting begins. I say intellectual, but with Ro-Mo,
Geoff
and Betty
and self taking part, I can see the whole thing lapsing into a frenzy of 'buie breezer based acrimony and name calling before too long. (I know, why she had to ask those two to get involved, I'll never know...It's bad enough at home without being privy to other people's domestics...)
To conclude, I'm sure you'll all join me in demanding of the Bettster, where on earth we can hear her All-Wimmin, Feminist Art Terrorist Collective, The Low Breasts, as alluded to in Saturday's post on her excellent blog thing. I've done extensive web-based research and found nothing, nyet, nada. Mind you, I suppose there's always Ask Jeeves....
So come on The Bettster - let's have a link and I'm sure we can rustle up a big Swipe Show buzz for you (this boy's a fool etc. etc.
Kick off is at 8pm - go on, it's bound to be more exciting than the Liverpool game....
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
Subscribe to The Robert Swipe Show
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
The L.P. in L.P. Hartley...
....Stands for Leslie Poles.
Amazing what you can discover "working" in a library, isn't it?
Leslie Poles....
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Amazing what you can discover "working" in a library, isn't it?
Leslie Poles....
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
Subscribe to The Robert Swipe Show
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Monday, 7 August 2006
I Meme Mine...
...best done when you've just uncorked the third bottle of housewarming present ,Merlot/Shiraz, I always find....
Have you had sex in the past 24 hours?
Just to clarify: does "self-love" count??
Are you gay?
Yes. Bordering on the downright jolly, if you must know...
Do you have hairy legs?
Only when I go a couple of days without shaving. Well, anyone who can take a 10 denier every day deserves a bloody medal..
Do you like monkeys?
Only when they're not being experimented on....
How many fillings do you have?
Well, the veggie thing is obviously a limiting factor. Including the spinach and ricotta, I'd have to say about 38 or so...
Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?
Ocean every time. Unless it's Veronica we're talking about, in which case things get a bit complicated - she is dead, isn't she???
Have you ever licked one of those square batteries?
Uh-huh.
Have you ever read the Bible?
Yes. I found it rather stretched one's credulity at times. Great plot though, isn't it?
Did you ever go to Sunday School?
Yes. They made us read comics with Cliff Richard cartoon strips in and even my zealously religious mother banned me from ever going again. See, Cliff never lost the rebel thing after all - he's trying to bring the system down from within. You wait - the pics of Blair licking the contents of Sir C's colostemy bag will come out and we'll finally get the Tory government we deserve.....
Do you wear a lot of black?
Only around my eyes. You won't be laughing when the Shakespeare's Sister revival reaches middle England. You Johnny-come-layelys you...
Did you ever bring a weapon to school?
Not really. The Trident system had a lot going for it - huge destructive power and collosal propaganda value - but it was, to be frank, a bit of a nuisance to store in a tuck box behind the bike sheds at Orleans Park School for Dangerously Fecund Young Ladies...
Have you ever hugged a tree?
Ho ho ho - you're not catching me out like that young fellow me lad!!
Do you know what a sphincter actually is?
Of course. It's a woman who's given up all hope of getting hitched. I'm in love with one as a matter of fact. Never met her, but I've got a hunch she can make tattie bread to die for and can't pronounce her vowels properly.....dang it! These were fresh on this morning.....Oh, sphincter...!??
Describe your hair?
Bald.
Are you a wildbeast?
Yes. Especially when trees are concerned.......shit, shit shit shit - you bastard, you wangled it out of me in the end!!!!!
Do you like to have fun?
Most certainly - in an ironic, Iggy Pop, "all aboard for funtime" sort of way....
Do you like drama?
Yes, I suppose so - in a "the BBC's had a lot of Shakespeare on recently, but you can't beat this for drama" Sid Waddell commentating on the darts sort of way.
Have you ever taken a bong hit?
Listen - some of the stuff that went down in 'nam - they don't call me No-Arms Bob for nothing you know. And the cockrot probably stems from that tour of duty too. In fact, my bong was about the only thing the damn gooks didn't hit....
Do you like mayonnaise?
Yes - as I'm repeatedly telling S. "salad cream is soooooo common!!!"
Are you afraid to die?
Nope. Afraid of others dying, but as Tom Waits asks - who puts flowers on a flowers grave?
Do you like playing in leaves?
Yes - so long as they're A4...
Have you ever peed your pants as an adult?
Not as often as I've shat them.
Have you ever thrown up on somebody as an adult?
Not unless I've had my tongue down their throat at the time. And the last time that happened was probably before I was an adult....
Are you an adult?
Only in a spiritual sense...
Ever won a spelling bee?
No, the one I won was useless. Kept typing their when it meant they're and so on. Huge sigh of relief all round when the cunt finally buzzed off, if you must know....
Do you ever eat because you’re depressed?
No, I get depressed because I eat. I also get depressed because I drink. And sleep. And watch Celebrity Love Island. And because Cheslea are going to win the league in perpetuity. Christ - what's with the probing questions? I was quite perky until I started all this bollocks...
Are you a television addict?
Erm....yes - that's why I'm filling this stupid bastard meme out when I could be watching Eastenders Revealed......
Do you think OJ was guilty?
No. He was an actor.
Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?
My late Mother? Yes, we commune occasionally. The weird thing is, they don't actually go all that far - you start realising how little of what you thought was you is actually an autonomous being. yOU ARE, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, IN LARGE PART AN AMALGAM OF YOUR PARENTS AFTER ALL (Sorry - that's not meant to be shouty - I've just uncorked bottle #4....
Have you ever had sex in a hot tub?
Nope.
On a swing?
Nope In several graveyards, but never on a swing.
Do you like Elvis?
Does the Pope shit in the woods??
Do you enjoy watching animals “do it” on the Discovery channel?
If I knew what "it" was, I could answer...
Ever been hit on at a zoo?
Yes. By a tree.
Have you ever had sex with a total stranger?
Yes. In Prague. Which is odd - because I've never been to Prague....
Do you enjoy the calming effects of turkeys?
(...) [Brian Damge fans' in-joke there...]
Does your mom think someone is hot?
I refer the Right Hon. Gentleman to the answer I gave some moments ago...
Are you a sugar freak? (...)
Ever been arrested?
Yes. It was a fair cop, mind. I was bang to rights. But society's to blame...
Ever commit a crime and get away with it?
Just the odd one against humanity. But if Tony's not going to be called to account for his, i don't see why I should....
Do you like orange juice?
They went down hill after they left Postcard Records, I felt...
What sign are you?
o' the times, of course. We could call him Nate..(if it's a boy...)
Ever do the party boy dance in front of the elderly?
Christ - were these questions compiled by a total retard??Where do you wish you were right now?
Not answering these poxy questions for a kick off..
Did you enjoy this? I refer the Right Hon. Gentleman to the answer I gave some moments ago...
Thanks to The Billster for making me waste a whole evening on this when I could have been watching Eastenders Revealed......
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Have you had sex in the past 24 hours?
Just to clarify: does "self-love" count??
Are you gay?
Yes. Bordering on the downright jolly, if you must know...
Do you have hairy legs?
Only when I go a couple of days without shaving. Well, anyone who can take a 10 denier every day deserves a bloody medal..
Do you like monkeys?
Only when they're not being experimented on....
How many fillings do you have?
Well, the veggie thing is obviously a limiting factor. Including the spinach and ricotta, I'd have to say about 38 or so...
Would you rather swim in the ocean or a lake?
Ocean every time. Unless it's Veronica we're talking about, in which case things get a bit complicated - she is dead, isn't she???
Have you ever licked one of those square batteries?
Uh-huh.
Have you ever read the Bible?
Yes. I found it rather stretched one's credulity at times. Great plot though, isn't it?
Did you ever go to Sunday School?
Yes. They made us read comics with Cliff Richard cartoon strips in and even my zealously religious mother banned me from ever going again. See, Cliff never lost the rebel thing after all - he's trying to bring the system down from within. You wait - the pics of Blair licking the contents of Sir C's colostemy bag will come out and we'll finally get the Tory government we deserve.....
Do you wear a lot of black?
Only around my eyes. You won't be laughing when the Shakespeare's Sister revival reaches middle England. You Johnny-come-layelys you...
Did you ever bring a weapon to school?
Not really. The Trident system had a lot going for it - huge destructive power and collosal propaganda value - but it was, to be frank, a bit of a nuisance to store in a tuck box behind the bike sheds at Orleans Park School for Dangerously Fecund Young Ladies...
Have you ever hugged a tree?
Ho ho ho - you're not catching me out like that young fellow me lad!!
Do you know what a sphincter actually is?
Of course. It's a woman who's given up all hope of getting hitched. I'm in love with one as a matter of fact. Never met her, but I've got a hunch she can make tattie bread to die for and can't pronounce her vowels properly.....dang it! These were fresh on this morning.....Oh, sphincter...!??
Describe your hair?
Bald.
Are you a wildbeast?
Yes. Especially when trees are concerned.......shit, shit shit shit - you bastard, you wangled it out of me in the end!!!!!
Do you like to have fun?
Most certainly - in an ironic, Iggy Pop, "all aboard for funtime" sort of way....
Do you like drama?
Yes, I suppose so - in a "the BBC's had a lot of Shakespeare on recently, but you can't beat this for drama" Sid Waddell commentating on the darts sort of way.
Have you ever taken a bong hit?
Listen - some of the stuff that went down in 'nam - they don't call me No-Arms Bob for nothing you know. And the cockrot probably stems from that tour of duty too. In fact, my bong was about the only thing the damn gooks didn't hit....
Do you like mayonnaise?
Yes - as I'm repeatedly telling S. "salad cream is soooooo common!!!"
Are you afraid to die?
Nope. Afraid of others dying, but as Tom Waits asks - who puts flowers on a flowers grave?
Do you like playing in leaves?
Yes - so long as they're A4...
Have you ever peed your pants as an adult?
Not as often as I've shat them.
Have you ever thrown up on somebody as an adult?
Not unless I've had my tongue down their throat at the time. And the last time that happened was probably before I was an adult....
Are you an adult?
Only in a spiritual sense...
Ever won a spelling bee?
No, the one I won was useless. Kept typing their when it meant they're and so on. Huge sigh of relief all round when the cunt finally buzzed off, if you must know....
Do you ever eat because you’re depressed?
No, I get depressed because I eat. I also get depressed because I drink. And sleep. And watch Celebrity Love Island. And because Cheslea are going to win the league in perpetuity. Christ - what's with the probing questions? I was quite perky until I started all this bollocks...
Are you a television addict?
Erm....yes - that's why I'm filling this stupid bastard meme out when I could be watching Eastenders Revealed......
Do you think OJ was guilty?
No. He was an actor.
Do you enjoy spending time with your mother?
My late Mother? Yes, we commune occasionally. The weird thing is, they don't actually go all that far - you start realising how little of what you thought was you is actually an autonomous being. yOU ARE, FOR BETTER OR WORSE, IN LARGE PART AN AMALGAM OF YOUR PARENTS AFTER ALL (Sorry - that's not meant to be shouty - I've just uncorked bottle #4....
Have you ever had sex in a hot tub?
Nope.
On a swing?
Nope In several graveyards, but never on a swing.
Do you like Elvis?
Does the Pope shit in the woods??
Do you enjoy watching animals “do it” on the Discovery channel?
If I knew what "it" was, I could answer...
Ever been hit on at a zoo?
Yes. By a tree.
Have you ever had sex with a total stranger?
Yes. In Prague. Which is odd - because I've never been to Prague....
Do you enjoy the calming effects of turkeys?
(...) [Brian Damge fans' in-joke there...]
Does your mom think someone is hot?
I refer the Right Hon. Gentleman to the answer I gave some moments ago...
Are you a sugar freak? (...)
Ever been arrested?
Yes. It was a fair cop, mind. I was bang to rights. But society's to blame...
Ever commit a crime and get away with it?
Just the odd one against humanity. But if Tony's not going to be called to account for his, i don't see why I should....
Do you like orange juice?
They went down hill after they left Postcard Records, I felt...
What sign are you?
o' the times, of course. We could call him Nate..(if it's a boy...)
Ever do the party boy dance in front of the elderly?
Christ - were these questions compiled by a total retard??Where do you wish you were right now?
Not answering these poxy questions for a kick off..
Did you enjoy this? I refer the Right Hon. Gentleman to the answer I gave some moments ago...
Thanks to The Billster for making me waste a whole evening on this when I could have been watching Eastenders Revealed......
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
Subscribe to The Robert Swipe Show
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Bobcast6...
.....is up now...(if you know what's good for you, don't listen through to the bitter end...)
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
Subscribe to The Robert Swipe Show
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Wednesday, 2 August 2006
Is There Something Apple Aren't Telling Us??...
I think there is. Walking towards the Curry's roundabout near the Rugby Ground, I 'm listening to 'Just Like You', track 2 on the third Roxy Music album and wondering if I'll cross paths with the cute, floaty skirted secretary who looks like Sheryl Crow only with straight, mousey hair and who always looks away from me when I glance at her through my sunglasses. So, I'm waiting at the zebra crossing and I see the floaty skirted, straight haired Sheryl Crow lookalikey standing at the opposite side of the dual carriageway (only she's in jeans and looks more like a student or a protest singer than a secretary in 'civvies' - Alanis Morrisette going for the Laura Viers-without-the-glasses look, perhaps?) and as 'Just Like You' comes to an end, I think it's a pity that the iPod is on shuffle, as it would be great to hear 'Amazona' now (the track that follows 'Just Like You' on the Stranded LP, as night follows day). Anyway, I start crossing the road and walk towards the floaty-skirted secretary who looks like a straight haired Sheryl Crow, glance across at her through my sunglasses just before we pass and she, of course, looks away, and then Phil Manzanera's flangified mangling of the riff from 'Torn and Frayed' starts up, Johnny Gustafson's bass kicks in and Paul Thompson's drums beat down before Ferry starts warbling, "Amazona is a place where there is no doubt - no more fall out" and I ask again, is there something Apple aren't telling us??
Bobcast 4 is up now, btw.
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Bobcast 4 is up now, btw.
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
Subscribe to The Robert Swipe Show
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Tuesday, 1 August 2006
The Quite-Well-Known-But-Not-Exactly-What-You'd-Call-Famous-Hall-of-Fame...
In The Mollster's absence, bored and listless without her inspirational presence, I thought I'd follow up Tim's line of questioning regarding NME journalist Betty Page. So, I wrote to Rock'sbackpages, thinking that they might know:
Dear Rock's back pages,
A friend and I were reminiscing and remembered a journalist who used to write for the NME (and Melody Faces too, I believe) who went by the monicker 'Betty Page'. Tim (the other one I just mentioned) has a hunch that it was a pseudonym for Nick Kent or one of the other male journos, but my money's on Barbara Ellen or Sally Margaret Joy-True (nee Sally Margaret Joy) or one of the other female rock writers. Or was there REALLY another Betty Page? Hopefully you can shed some light on the matter??
Incidentally, I knew Sally Margaret Joy in the days when she was a musician, playing bass guitar with hitmakers Furniture ("You must be out of your brilliant mind")
She still owes me five pounds.
Cheers,
Bob (& Tim)
I'll let you know if/when they get back to me, but in the meantime it got me thinking that, apart from Todd Blogney's Incredibly Famous Younger Brother, I don't know all that many famous people [thank God if TBIFYB is anything to go by. Last heard of, he was dressed as a gamekeeper being called a c*** by My Friend Who's About to Become Incredibly Famous (When His New Book Comes Out) Yes, that's right: a gamekeeper!?] But I do know (or once knew) a lot of people who have achieved a fair degree of renown/notoriety/success-within-their-own-field without exactly being what you'd call really famous. So I thought I'd start an occasional hall of fame for the Quite-Well-Known, But Not Exactly What You'd Call Famous.
This week:
Sally Still [AKA Sally Margaret Joy(-True)] [picture to follow...only I couldn't get blogger to download it, so go here - she's 4th in from the left...]
Biography:
Bass player with Furniture c. 1982-1991.
Journalist with Melody Faces (199?-????)
Currently writing (?) and being married to former Melody Faces journalist/editor Everett True.
There was an MP3 of Brilliant Mind, their 1986 hit, posted up here, but sadly it now has a line drawn through it...There's this link, but I'm not sure if it plays the song as I can't hear stuff at work...or you could buy it here...
Or if you're really desperate....hunt down a copy of Now! That's What I Call Music, Vol. 7.....
Sally's link with Bob:
Co-members Self Analysis Club at Richmond-Upon-Thames-College, c.1981. Occasional drinking partners, c.1981-199?. Bob an occasional listener to/reader of Sally's work.
Well done Sal - and if you read this, I hope everything's good with you and that you're happy and enjoying life. Also, if you could see your way to getting that fiver back to me sometime....
++++++++++++STOP PRESS++++++++++++++++
Brilliant mind is on iTunes etc....
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Dear Rock's back pages,
A friend and I were reminiscing and remembered a journalist who used to write for the NME (and Melody Faces too, I believe) who went by the monicker 'Betty Page'. Tim (the other one I just mentioned) has a hunch that it was a pseudonym for Nick Kent or one of the other male journos, but my money's on Barbara Ellen or Sally Margaret Joy-True (nee Sally Margaret Joy) or one of the other female rock writers. Or was there REALLY another Betty Page? Hopefully you can shed some light on the matter??
Incidentally, I knew Sally Margaret Joy in the days when she was a musician, playing bass guitar with hitmakers Furniture ("You must be out of your brilliant mind")
She still owes me five pounds.
Cheers,
Bob (& Tim)
I'll let you know if/when they get back to me, but in the meantime it got me thinking that, apart from Todd Blogney's Incredibly Famous Younger Brother, I don't know all that many famous people [thank God if TBIFYB is anything to go by. Last heard of, he was dressed as a gamekeeper being called a c*** by My Friend Who's About to Become Incredibly Famous (When His New Book Comes Out) Yes, that's right: a gamekeeper!?] But I do know (or once knew) a lot of people who have achieved a fair degree of renown/notoriety/success-within-their-own-field without exactly being what you'd call really famous. So I thought I'd start an occasional hall of fame for the Quite-Well-Known, But Not Exactly What You'd Call Famous.
This week:
Sally Still [AKA Sally Margaret Joy(-True)] [picture to follow...only I couldn't get blogger to download it, so go here - she's 4th in from the left...]
Biography:
Bass player with Furniture c. 1982-1991.
Journalist with Melody Faces (199?-????)
Currently writing (?) and being married to former Melody Faces journalist/editor Everett True.
There was an MP3 of Brilliant Mind, their 1986 hit, posted up here, but sadly it now has a line drawn through it...There's this link, but I'm not sure if it plays the song as I can't hear stuff at work...or you could buy it here...
Or if you're really desperate....hunt down a copy of Now! That's What I Call Music, Vol. 7.....
Sally's link with Bob:
Co-members Self Analysis Club at Richmond-Upon-Thames-College, c.1981. Occasional drinking partners, c.1981-199?. Bob an occasional listener to/reader of Sally's work.
Well done Sal - and if you read this, I hope everything's good with you and that you're happy and enjoying life. Also, if you could see your way to getting that fiver back to me sometime....
++++++++++++STOP PRESS++++++++++++++++
Brilliant mind is on iTunes etc....
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
Subscribe to The Robert Swipe Show
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Visit #37,000...
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© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
By Details > Visit Detail
Visit 37,000
Domain Name uni2.es ? (Spain)
IP Address 85.57.2.# (Uni2)
ISP Uni2
Location Continent : Europe
Country : Spain (Facts)
State/Region : Andalucia
City : Mlaga
Lat/Long : 36.7167, -4.4167 (Map)
Language Spanish
es
Operating System Microsoft WinXP
Browser Internet Explorer 6.0
Mozilla/4.0 (compatible; MSIE 6.0; Windows NT 5.1; SV1; .NET CLR 1.0.3705; .NET CLR 1.1.4322; Media Center PC 4.0; InfoPath.1; .NET CLR 2.0.50727)
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Visitor's Time Aug 1 2006 1:46:16 pm
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Muchas gracias!
(And thanks for sticking around!!)
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
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Afro Wars....
Not content with *stealing* my *bird* and trying to kid every one that the C86 episode was something to smile about, "La-di-da Gunner Timster" is now trying to tell me he knows more about afros than I do....
He'll be telling me Jimmy Scott's a bloke next...
And just who is this Jimmy Castor bird anyroad?? (Don't fancy yours much Tim...)
Over to you, the jury.....
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
He'll be telling me Jimmy Scott's a bloke next...
And just who is this Jimmy Castor bird anyroad?? (Don't fancy yours much Tim...)
Over to you, the jury.....
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
Subscribe to The Robert Swipe Show
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Finger(less) Bob...
Well, it's my thumb actually. The tip of the right one scythed off by a stiletto of UPVC window frame as I attempted to dislodge some of the six year accumultation of grime with a windolene wet wipe. "Well, if you will leave things like that unattended for six years...", S. cooed sympathetically as a I attempted to staunch the geyser of blood tinted alcohol spurting from my damaged digit in trademark Warner Brothers cartoon style. Still, at least it wasn't the "that's Jesus punishing you, that is..." (Jesus pronounced without the 's' at the end, as if in a hymn that Aled Jones is about to sing... - one of her Dad's gags) I can usually expect when some painful bodily misfortune is visited upon me - be it cockrot, stubbed toe, whooping cough or whatever. But maybe it is? (Jesu punishing me, that is.)
After all, don't I myself let out a little grin full of karmic smugness as I notice the sign in the window of the Oxfam shop in Twickenham that says "closed due to massive internal flood damage". You had it coming, you bastards, I internalise, looking heavenward and winking. In fact, I'm still chuckling as I picture the copters and food lorries in deepest sub-Saharan Africa powering up, heavily sun-screened Tanzanians donning their 70s style sunglasses and striking up their Lucky Strikes as the convoy of aid relief for the poor, innocent victims - those blameless charity shop volunteers of West London - whirrs into action. (£7-bloody-99 for an unplayably scratched Drifters LP? As our mate Ange would say in a Brum voice heavy with indignation, "They're robbers, that lot....")
So, there you have it - hot on from yesterday's Rapture Ready post, the stark truth of it. Forget Instant Karma - this is an Old Testament deity we're dealing with here. One step out of line and you'll be unable to hold a pen, box up your record deck (four bloody hours it took - four bloody hours!!) without it getting caked in your own finger sauce - and I haven't even tried to pull one off with this poxy plaster on - I've got enough problems down there without ripping through a penile artery with a razor sharp edge of elastoplast...) And what's more, you won't be able to wipe your arse for a week (well, you will but only by using the left hand - better be careful or you'll have the other once whipped off by the bloody Muslims if you're not careful...)
So, the moral is simple - whatever you do, don't remove Betty from your links...Jesu's punishment awaits those poor fools who do - and it bloody hurts!
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
After all, don't I myself let out a little grin full of karmic smugness as I notice the sign in the window of the Oxfam shop in Twickenham that says "closed due to massive internal flood damage". You had it coming, you bastards, I internalise, looking heavenward and winking. In fact, I'm still chuckling as I picture the copters and food lorries in deepest sub-Saharan Africa powering up, heavily sun-screened Tanzanians donning their 70s style sunglasses and striking up their Lucky Strikes as the convoy of aid relief for the poor, innocent victims - those blameless charity shop volunteers of West London - whirrs into action. (£7-bloody-99 for an unplayably scratched Drifters LP? As our mate Ange would say in a Brum voice heavy with indignation, "They're robbers, that lot....")
So, there you have it - hot on from yesterday's Rapture Ready post, the stark truth of it. Forget Instant Karma - this is an Old Testament deity we're dealing with here. One step out of line and you'll be unable to hold a pen, box up your record deck (four bloody hours it took - four bloody hours!!) without it getting caked in your own finger sauce - and I haven't even tried to pull one off with this poxy plaster on - I've got enough problems down there without ripping through a penile artery with a razor sharp edge of elastoplast...) And what's more, you won't be able to wipe your arse for a week (well, you will but only by using the left hand - better be careful or you'll have the other once whipped off by the bloody Muslims if you're not careful...)
So, the moral is simple - whatever you do, don't remove Betty from your links...Jesu's punishment awaits those poor fools who do - and it bloody hurts!
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
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© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Monday, 31 July 2006
Bob's Schoolboy Cricket #1,267...
For the Timster:
C86 XI v Legends of Soul XI
C86 XI
Gillespie, B lbw b King, B. E. 16
Gedge, D c Mayfield, C b Sledge, P 32
Marsh, P c & b Sledge, P 4
Blackwell, N run out 5
Burtonwood, T b James, E 112
Simpson, B b James, E 85
Perks, V c & b James, E 0
Dickson, S not out 35
Duffy, M b Bell, W 2
Newton, D c Pickett, C b Sledge, P 0
Harkin, H b King, B. E. 0
Pastel, S. (12th man - for The Billster...)
TOTAL (all out, 106 overs) 292
Legends of Soul XI
Brown, J b Dickson, S 167
Pickett, W c Burtonwood, T b Harkin, H 52
Charles, R not out 39
Redding, O not out 44
Cooke, S
Mayfield, C
Franklin, A
James, E
Bell, W
Sledge, P
King, B. E.
TOTAL (for two wkts, 87.4 overs) 293
Well played everyone!
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
C86 XI v Legends of Soul XI
C86 XI
Gillespie, B lbw b King, B. E. 16
Gedge, D c Mayfield, C b Sledge, P 32
Marsh, P c & b Sledge, P 4
Blackwell, N run out 5
Burtonwood, T b James, E 112
Simpson, B b James, E 85
Perks, V c & b James, E 0
Dickson, S not out 35
Duffy, M b Bell, W 2
Newton, D c Pickett, C b Sledge, P 0
Harkin, H b King, B. E. 0
Pastel, S. (12th man - for The Billster...)
TOTAL (all out, 106 overs) 292
Legends of Soul XI
Brown, J b Dickson, S 167
Pickett, W c Burtonwood, T b Harkin, H 52
Charles, R not out 39
Redding, O not out 44
Cooke, S
Mayfield, C
Franklin, A
James, E
Bell, W
Sledge, P
King, B. E.
TOTAL (for two wkts, 87.4 overs) 293
Well played everyone!
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© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
The Rapture Ready Robert Swipe Show - It Is. Are You?...
I was rather cynical about all this Rapture business thinking - like most people - that it had something to do with the very wonderful Blondie toon of the same name. But no, it doesn't (at least, not unless the Messiah is planning to have it played on a loop as the soundtrack to His 1,000 year, post-Apocalypse rule of the Earth...you could do worse, I suppose. And there is an extended Disco re-mix of it available - though still not quite that long....)
No, this is the very interesting website that will help you become one of the 144,000 (yes, that's 144,000) humanoids to be spared the forthcoming cull that will follow on shortly, once all this beastly business in the Middle East has blown over. There's a very nifty population clock that ticks over like a cab meter in a traffic jam as each new potential Damien sprog spawn from hell arrives and lots of other stuff that I can't be arsed to read but you may well find interesting - like who exactly will be The Beast* (he's the baddie, btw, who will take part in the ultimate battle of good v. evil (I thought Arsenal v. Tottenham was a little later this season...?!?) somewhere in Sumeria (Iraq, apparently..)
So there you go. As Bob Dylan said, "keep a clean conscience and always carry a light bulb...". And I hope you all make the cut....
*My money's on Robbie Williams....
++++++++++++ UPDATE +++++++++++++
The alternative to all this pie in the sky mumbo jumbo is provided by the much more sensible Pastafarian movement - Jar is mighty! Pasta Duchie on di lefthand side...
I'll post up Bobcast4 tomorrow sometime - thanks for all the feedback. I'm glad you're both enjoying them...
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
No, this is the very interesting website that will help you become one of the 144,000 (yes, that's 144,000) humanoids to be spared the forthcoming cull that will follow on shortly, once all this beastly business in the Middle East has blown over. There's a very nifty population clock that ticks over like a cab meter in a traffic jam as each new potential Damien sprog spawn from hell arrives and lots of other stuff that I can't be arsed to read but you may well find interesting - like who exactly will be The Beast* (he's the baddie, btw, who will take part in the ultimate battle of good v. evil (I thought Arsenal v. Tottenham was a little later this season...?!?) somewhere in Sumeria (Iraq, apparently..)
So there you go. As Bob Dylan said, "keep a clean conscience and always carry a light bulb...". And I hope you all make the cut....
*My money's on Robbie Williams....
++++++++++++ UPDATE +++++++++++++
The alternative to all this pie in the sky mumbo jumbo is provided by the much more sensible Pastafarian movement - Jar is mighty! Pasta Duchie on di lefthand side...
I'll post up Bobcast4 tomorrow sometime - thanks for all the feedback. I'm glad you're both enjoying them...
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
Subscribe to The Robert Swipe Show
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Sunday, 30 July 2006
Bob' s Schoolboy Cricket...
Sandwiched in between Big Cat Diary (wasn't the little lion cub mewling along with the roaring pride a hoot?) and the evergreen Carry on Cleo ("Friends, Romans, [someone else reminds him - "countrymen"] I know, I know....") was an episode of everyone's favourite 70s sitcom about a Surbiton couple who try to become self-sufficient, The Good Life. It was the one where the Goods get fleas (which it turns out didn't originate from their livestock, but from the leader of the local Conservative Association's pooch. See, bloody Tories...) There's a great bit at the beginning where (making their own entertainment, like) Barbara is reading whilst Tom is playing some public school game that he refers to as Schoolboy Cricket. Not having been to Public School, this was rather a new one on me (it also probably explains why I'm not a member of the cabinet and haven't worked for the BBC/Grauniad. It's OK - I'm not bitter...) Anyroad, it was great fun listening to Tom's imaginary scorecard being read out: "Churchill, caught Gandhi, bowled Roosevelt for 22...etc.) so I thought, why not have a go myself? Then, if it works we could all have a go and pass them round furtively among ourselves at the back of the formroom while the beak is wittering on about Latin declensions and the fall of Khartoum. Wizard wheeze, eh chaps??
So here goes.
All-Round Entertainers XI v Impressionist Artists XI
All-Round Entertainers XI
Forsyth, B lbw b Morisot, B 16
Black, C c Monet, C b Bazille, F 32
Tarbuck, J c & b Morisot, B 4
Davis Jr., S run out 5
Barrymore, M (retd. hurt) 112
Grayson, L b Morisot, B 85
Conley, B c & b Morisot, B 0
Pasquale, J not out 35
Trinder, T b Caillebotte, G 2
Castle, R c Monet, C b Caillebotte, G 0
O'Connor, D b Caillebotte, G 0
TOTAL (all out, 106 overs) 292
Impressionist Artists XI
Sisley, A b Trinder, T 167
Pissaro, C c Paquale, J b Trinder, T 52
Manet, E not out 39
Renoir, P-A not out 44
Monet, C
Degas, E
Cassat, M
Caillebotte, G
Bazille, F
Morisot, B
Guillaumin, A
TOTAL (for two wkts, 87.4 overs) 293
Well played lads!
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
So here goes.
All-Round Entertainers XI v Impressionist Artists XI
All-Round Entertainers XI
Forsyth, B lbw b Morisot, B 16
Black, C c Monet, C b Bazille, F 32
Tarbuck, J c & b Morisot, B 4
Davis Jr., S run out 5
Barrymore, M (retd. hurt) 112
Grayson, L b Morisot, B 85
Conley, B c & b Morisot, B 0
Pasquale, J not out 35
Trinder, T b Caillebotte, G 2
Castle, R c Monet, C b Caillebotte, G 0
O'Connor, D b Caillebotte, G 0
TOTAL (all out, 106 overs) 292
Impressionist Artists XI
Sisley, A b Trinder, T 167
Pissaro, C c Paquale, J b Trinder, T 52
Manet, E not out 39
Renoir, P-A not out 44
Monet, C
Degas, E
Cassat, M
Caillebotte, G
Bazille, F
Morisot, B
Guillaumin, A
TOTAL (for two wkts, 87.4 overs) 293
Well played lads!
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
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© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Saturday, 29 July 2006
Bobcast 3...
Bobcast 3 is available to download now (it's free Richard, btw) via iTunes or Switchpod. Just follow the links below or click update in iTunes if you've subscribed already...
Artists featured this week include The Roxy, Archie Bell & the Drells, Wilson Pickett and many, many more....(plus lots of Bob's incomprehensible wittering, of course...)
Right, I'm out of here to listen to it again....
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
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© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Artists featured this week include The Roxy, Archie Bell & the Drells, Wilson Pickett and many, many more....(plus lots of Bob's incomprehensible wittering, of course...)
Right, I'm out of here to listen to it again....
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
Subscribe to The Robert Swipe Show
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Friday, 28 July 2006
Debbie McGee Models...
Noticed this in the ever-reliable Independent Gossip column, about the only section of the paper not currently concerned with events in the Middle East (although, admittedly, I only skimmed this part, so it may well have been mentioned in the boring bits I didn't read about Gordon Brown's voting patterns on Gay Rights issues..)
They (Debbie McGee Models) are based in Bristol, apparently (a short walk that should save your ankles in those heels, Spinny...) and, yes, it is THE Debbie Mcgee who, as the blurb on her website is at pains to point out "is the wife of Internationally Renown Magician, Paul Daniels". I've just had a quick look at the section they've for some reason best known to themselves decided to call "The Women" and, if I can be frank here, I can't say I'm likely to be hiring any of them in the forseeable future (although, I suppose you can't always count on escort agencies to ensure that their staff realise the legally binding nature of the contractual stipulation that they wear oven gloves and a clingfilm twin set, so who knows - perhaps if Eunice J is willing to indulge a broken, callipered man with a rotting sexual organ....?)
For those of you who, like me, aren't fortunate enough currently to reside in the Bristol area, Debbie has some heartening words:
Debbie McGee Models are seeking new faces of all ages for work/opportunities in Modelling, Catwalk, Fashion, The Stage, Film, Television, Dance and many types of promotional work. We will be travelling around the UK to various locations seeking new faces, talents, abilities and characters.
Can't wait! Maybe I should give Roberta a call??
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
They (Debbie McGee Models) are based in Bristol, apparently (a short walk that should save your ankles in those heels, Spinny...) and, yes, it is THE Debbie Mcgee who, as the blurb on her website is at pains to point out "is the wife of Internationally Renown Magician, Paul Daniels". I've just had a quick look at the section they've for some reason best known to themselves decided to call "The Women" and, if I can be frank here, I can't say I'm likely to be hiring any of them in the forseeable future (although, I suppose you can't always count on escort agencies to ensure that their staff realise the legally binding nature of the contractual stipulation that they wear oven gloves and a clingfilm twin set, so who knows - perhaps if Eunice J is willing to indulge a broken, callipered man with a rotting sexual organ....?)
For those of you who, like me, aren't fortunate enough currently to reside in the Bristol area, Debbie has some heartening words:
Debbie McGee Models are seeking new faces of all ages for work/opportunities in Modelling, Catwalk, Fashion, The Stage, Film, Television, Dance and many types of promotional work. We will be travelling around the UK to various locations seeking new faces, talents, abilities and characters.
Can't wait! Maybe I should give Roberta a call??
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
Subscribe to The Robert Swipe Show
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Wednesday, 26 July 2006
Molly's Bob Swipe Singing Poll...
Bob & Molly: the new Peters & Lee??? (That's Molly on the left, btw....)
As regular readers (and listeners) will be aware, Molly Bloom has for some time now been co-ordinating a crafty campaign aimed at inflicting the "dulcet tones" of your humble scribe upon the nation's poor, young, innocent and vulnerable. It seems that the succession of caterwauling monstrosities that pass for singers nowadays have pulverised our previously astute notions of what constituted "a nice singing voice" into a non-discriminating mush of yeah-whateverness that allows even the pained contortions of Frank Ferdinand, Robbie Williams, Celine Dion, Ian Brown, Frank Ifield et al to pass by as innocuously on the ear as honey down a sick child's throat. I just hadn't realised that the decline in standards had been quite so steep as to allow for the possibility of a resurrection of my own singing career. Either that, or the girl's tone deaf. Still, if Morrissey can get away with it...
Regardless, Molly has taken it upon herself* to orchestrate a poll, the desired end of which is to select a song upon which my voice can work its magic - much in the same way that a tsunami works its magic on a holiday resort. Obviously, I can't be seen to condone this - I have enough trouble as it is with the Child Support People and the illiterate neighbours (How many times do I have to say this - it's PaedoPHILE!). But I do have a brand new podcast to plug and, as the Mollster cannily points out, I do get more traffic than she does**, some of which it would be an honour to pass on to her excellent and highly imaginative... (....alright, don't overdo it - we're meant to be pushing the Bobcasts here - PR ed.) So, as Mollster is an avid (bordering, it must be said on the criminally obsessesive) reader of (and listener to) the Show who looks not unlike Penelope Wilton in her prime and who has, furthermore, promised to re-enact one of those famous "evidently both gagging for it" scenes from Ever-decreasing Circles with me in the Peter Egan role (Penelope plays a sex-starved nurse with a penchant for oven gloves, laytex and plinths in the script I'm currently drafting..), well a man is but flesh and blood (...mostly blood, when the liver's playing up, if truth be told...)......I thought.....whatever...
So, in true copycat Scary Duck fashion, "Vote-u-do....
* With perhaps a soupcon of gentle coercion on the part of your humble balladeer...
** Size isn't everything Molly, as I'm continually reassuring myself...
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Bargain of the week...
Thanks to Andy for this - at Amazon of course.....
They're offering a discount on the new Paul Blezard too apparently - please shell out as he'll be needing help with his medical bills after my "little talking to"...
Love rat.
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
CLICK HERE TO HEAR OUR REGULAR BOBCASTS!!
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
They're offering a discount on the new Paul Blezard too apparently - please shell out as he'll be needing help with his medical bills after my "little talking to"...
Love rat.
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
CLICK HERE TO HEAR OUR REGULAR BOBCASTS!!
Subscribe to The Robert Swipe Show
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
That Morrissey v. Maddeley Bout - Blow by Blow...
A very big 'big up' [as I believe the vernacular parlance has it] to Morrissey for perpetuating his feud with Judy Finnegan's co-host, Richard Maddeley. Mozzer, speaking to an audience in Oxford recently (and quite sensibly) condemned the Uni's new animal testing laboratories, saying "for anyone working in the labs, we are going to get you [I love it when he talks chav, don't you?] This causes Mr. Finnegan to respond by calling La Moz "a puffed up brat" and "vain-glorious strutting humbug". [Get her!]
This is the Morrissey riposte, as posted on True to you.net:
Finally, and most trivially, thank you to the British television person (I'm not exactly sure what it is he does) Richard Madeley who, at least, made me laugh recently by referring to me as an "insufferable puffed-up prat". This comment may or may not be true, but I think it's a bit much coming from a man who actually married his own mother. But that's life ...
Come on Richard! He's not as tough as he looks you know......
Elsewhere, a guitar claimed to have been that of blues legend Robert Johnson goes up for auction today (?) Estimated asking price? Six million squids. I'll stick with my bow-necked Takemine, ta very much....
Amazing what you find out when you don't read The Cuntiad, isn't it?
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
CLICK HERE TO HEAR OUR REGULAR BOBCASTS!!
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
This is the Morrissey riposte, as posted on True to you.net:
Finally, and most trivially, thank you to the British television person (I'm not exactly sure what it is he does) Richard Madeley who, at least, made me laugh recently by referring to me as an "insufferable puffed-up prat". This comment may or may not be true, but I think it's a bit much coming from a man who actually married his own mother. But that's life ...
Come on Richard! He's not as tough as he looks you know......
Elsewhere, a guitar claimed to have been that of blues legend Robert Johnson goes up for auction today (?) Estimated asking price? Six million squids. I'll stick with my bow-necked Takemine, ta very much....
Amazing what you find out when you don't read The Cuntiad, isn't it?
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
CLICK HERE TO HEAR OUR REGULAR BOBCASTS!!
Subscribe to The Robert Swipe Show
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Tuesday, 25 July 2006
The Second Bobcast is Now Available (and with iTunes)!!!...
That's right! Packed with over 40 minutes of fun, frolics and excessive background noise, the latest episode of our podcast is now available. It may take a devil of a long time to download, but watching that envelope flap has to beat Celebrity Love Island, hasn't it??
The Robert Swipe Show - bringing people together to argue over a laptop since 2004....
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
CLICK HERE TO HEAR OUR REGULAR BOBCASTS!!
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
The Robert Swipe Show - bringing people together to argue over a laptop since 2004....
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
CLICK HERE TO HEAR OUR REGULAR BOBCASTS!!
Subscribe to The Robert Swipe Show
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
Sunday, 23 July 2006
Bob Speaks!!!!!!!!...
It takes a while to open the file but, finally it's here.......
.....the First Ever Robert Swipe Show Podcast!!!!!
You may need to download iTunes to play it, but that's free.
Hope you can access it OK and enjoy it...
Still trying to sort out the link to the RSS feed (whatever that is, but bear with me....)
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
.....the First Ever Robert Swipe Show Podcast!!!!!
You may need to download iTunes to play it, but that's free.
Hope you can access it OK and enjoy it...
Still trying to sort out the link to the RSS feed (whatever that is, but bear with me....)
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
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