After all, don't I myself let out a little grin full of karmic smugness as I notice the sign in the window of the Oxfam shop in Twickenham that says "closed due to massive internal flood damage". You had it coming, you bastards, I internalise, looking heavenward and winking. In fact, I'm still chuckling as I picture the copters and food lorries in deepest sub-Saharan Africa powering up, heavily sun-screened Tanzanians donning their 70s style sunglasses and striking up their Lucky Strikes as the convoy of aid relief for the poor, innocent victims - those blameless charity shop volunteers of West London - whirrs into action. (£7-bloody-99 for an unplayably scratched Drifters LP? As our mate Ange would say in a Brum voice heavy with indignation, "They're robbers, that lot....")
So, there you have it - hot on from yesterday's Rapture Ready post, the stark truth of it. Forget Instant Karma - this is an Old Testament deity we're dealing with here. One step out of line and you'll be unable to hold a pen, box up your record deck (four bloody hours it took - four bloody hours!!) without it getting caked in your own finger sauce - and I haven't even tried to pull one off with this poxy plaster on - I've got enough problems down there without ripping through a penile artery with a razor sharp edge of elastoplast...) And what's more, you won't be able to wipe your arse for a week (well, you will but only by using the left hand - better be careful or you'll have the other once whipped off by the bloody Muslims if you're not careful...)
So, the moral is simple - whatever you do, don't remove Betty from your links...Jesu's punishment awaits those poor fools who do - and it bloody hurts!
Bobcasts now available at iTunes!!
click here to hear our regular Bobcasts!!
Subscribe to The Robert Swipe Show
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
No comments:
Post a Comment