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Thursday, 26 October 2006

Kate Silverton Appeal/Desperate Attempt To Get More Hits From Pervs...

Seasoned Swipe readers (OK, Spinny and Ro-Mo) will remember a time, sadly long gone, when there was occasionally the odd post up here that could almost be described as amusing. I'm referring of course to the now legendary (well, as close as this blog will ever come to that, anyroad) Kate Silverton is Turning into Ollie Beak post from several decades ago. Not only is that piece the single most amusing thing we've ever managed to come up with (...I know...) it's also proved our most popular, turning up as it does with alarming frequency on google searches along the lines of KATE+SILVERTON+TITCLAMP+BESTIAL+BEAK-JOB and similar.

Obviously we will never scale such heights again, but I thought it might be fun (well, you know what I mean - less painful than yesterday's post) to show you some of the searches that we come up on - they invariably concern Kate and a variety of sexual peccadilloes and scanty costumes etc.

Here are some of my favourites:

# 1

# 2

# 3

# 4

Or this just in - I'm sensing the hand of the Dickster here - least, I *hope* it's his hand....

Those of you who've enjoyed this might want to check out the site meter box - that's not rude, it really *is* just, like, a box - at the bottom (...steady....) of the page. You won't find anything interesting there, obviously, but if enough of you do have a look then it won't do my hit counter any harm as you'll have to scroll through several pages to get there. We're closing in on 100,000 page views and I'm sure once we pass that there'll be even more perv hits than ever to keep things ticking over. I just wish a few of you filthy-minded bastards would actually read the fucking thing every now and then.

Regarding the Appeal: am I the only person who would pay money to see Kate's legs in all their glory?? Come on Beeb - bugger Children in Need: what about us bloody adults, eh???


Tim's current post quotes closet Swipe fan and Shadow Morton afficianado Stewart Lee as describing blogs as consisting of "pornography and descriptions of going to the shops".

Well Stew, you're probably wondering where the usual description of me going to the shops is, having had your daily dose of porn (see above). Obviously, I have to be a bit careful here as, unlike the hard-working funnyman, I quite literally *do* have more money than sense and I'm a bit wary of scaring off my chavvy readers with bragging accounts of my latest Elton-esque spree. You know, I don't want people to run away with the idea that just because I *can* quite easily afford to buy expensive, non-essential items such as crowns, leisure centres, vintage motorcycles, tickets to The Arsenal, unlimited call girl facilities etc. on a weekly basis, that I actually *do* this. I tend to only go up the Arsenal a couple of times a month. And once you've bought one leisure centre...

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  1. Ahem...did you forget a regular reader there Bob?

    *Sobs in heaving, physical way - great blobs of tears falling*

    I must admit, I love the Goggle, sorry Google searches that people do. I remember when we both mentioned Tanya Beckett in her leathers and I got an instant surge of searches. (I quite like that...'surge of searches'.) Hopefully this comment might get you another surge too.

    How about Tanya Beckett grapes fruity moist.

    Sophie Rayworth silver boob-tube shoulder

    Declan nappies Wall Street baby face.

    Robert Swipe clamps cheese

    Well, that should help the cause mateyxx Perhaps you should do a post mentioning as many bizarre links with famous people as you can and watch your surges surge even more. Cool!

    I had a hit for 'chuff brush' once and can't ever remembering mentioning one. It's quite a cool phrase though. Perhaps we can start a new fetish for it here.

  2. I havr to say I like the sound of Molly's idea, I may try that my self.

    In answer to your question in the earlier post, yup I was there. It was actully a pretty good game the teams were evenly matched especially in the first half. I think it was always going to be one of those games where whichever team scored first would go on to win. The ref was shocking there was absolutly no consistency in his decision making at all. And hey the Albion have been pretty good recently I think we've scored 14 goal in the last 5 matches, that's pretty good that, and we managed to beat the Wolves and that's always a good thing

  3. Sorry to be a thickie but how do you know if you get a 'surge of searches' as Molly puts it, so prettily?

    I put the phrase 'I have a stupendous bosom' in my blog in a vain hope to attract readers, didn't work though.

  4. If you're really serious about getting your stats up I highly recommend anything to do with teenage bukkake juice.

  5. Part 33

    Nancy was horrified to awake and find her hand on the wincyette leg. She quickly put her hand into the pocket and pulled out the starlight. It was alight and aglow. It was full of signs. Tickets to make it right to the end. She made an 'O' with her mouth and flew off towards the last posts.

    Now go to part 34.

  6. sorry, Dickster - I've just tried it. Will keep you posted...

  7. Hmmm..a chuff that's come in handy Mollsters....
    they're always flying over our house, shitting on it from a great height. The chuffs, that is. Horrible mess they make - so a brush could come in useful. No wonder you got so many hits.

    bb - just pleased you got to see the class that is the Arsenal. What sort of team did they put out?

    Install a site meter box, docster. It's not quite as much fun as it sounds, but they're very good for search surge surveillance...

  8. Bob, did you see this:

    BBC news

    The Queen failed to be taken up the Arse due to illness.

  9. Who does she think she is, Billy? Darren "Bleeding" Anderton?

    Time's like this that you really miss the Queen Mum*, isn't it?

    *a bona fide gooner, apparently...

  10. I don't know about class Bob. They all looked about 12 to me. Theo was playing, he looked pretty fast. I think Mr Wenger played mostly his fringe players, but there were a few who feature quite often in the Arsenal 1s team. One thing they do need to learn how to stay on their feet !

  11. I've seen my stat figures rocket towards 170 recently because of a picture of Sophie Ellis Bextor which is now the top picture on Google images for her (the second one is a photo of her with Uri Geller for some reason). I didn't know how globally popular she was - I get a lot of hits from South America for that one. Worryingly, the post which accompanies the picture features a bit where I say she has legs like the frog from the Evergreen advert, so I'm worried the real S.E.B. will read it and start barraging my blog with anonymous abusive comments.

  12. Realdoc - you just get yourself a Statcounter. Just follow the link form someone else's blog and it's dead easy to install (well I did it and I can't even do links in comments).

    I got Statcounter back in January and I'm expecting to get my first amusing search-term sometime within the next 5 years.

  13. Oh, and Bob, I liked Search Term # 1 the best.

  14. Sophie Ellis Bextor is it? Just a question of time before Joanne Newsom kicks her off the top spot.

  15. Oooops...Joanna Newsom I mean.

  16. New podcast up Bob - done from my bed over two nights - oo-er!

  17. Have A Wonderful Weekend
    The "Twat"
    did you ever see Ian Dury?I did...thats the reason i found you........

  18. Where is Bobster? You are the Bobster of Bobs.