Seasoned Swipe readers (OK, Spinny and Ro-Mo) will remember a time, sadly long gone, when there was occasionally the odd post up here that could almost be described as amusing. I'm referring of course to the now legendary (well, as close as this blog will ever come to that, anyroad) Kate Silverton is Turning into Ollie Beak post from several decades ago. Not only is that piece the single most amusing thing we've ever managed to come up with (...I know...) it's also proved our most popular, turning up as it does with alarming frequency on google searches along the lines of KATE+SILVERTON+TITCLAMP+BESTIAL+BEAK-JOB and similar.
Obviously we will never scale such heights again, but I thought it might be fun (well, you know what I mean - less painful than yesterday's post) to show you some of the searches that we come up on - they invariably concern Kate and a variety of sexual peccadilloes and scanty costumes etc.
Here are some of my favourites:
Or this just in - I'm sensing the hand of the Dickster here - least, I *hope* it's his hand....
Those of you who've enjoyed this might want to check out the site meter box - that's not rude, it really *is* just, like, a box - at the bottom (...steady....) of the page. You won't find anything interesting there, obviously, but if enough of you do have a look then it won't do my hit counter any harm as you'll have to scroll through several pages to get there. We're closing in on 100,000 page views and I'm sure once we pass that there'll be even more perv hits than ever to keep things ticking over. I just wish a few of you filthy-minded bastards would actually read the fucking thing every now and then.
Regarding the Appeal: am I the only person who would pay money to see Kate's legs in all their glory?? Come on Beeb - bugger Children in Need: what about us bloody adults, eh???
Tim's current post quotes closet Swipe fan and Shadow Morton afficianado Stewart Lee as describing blogs as consisting of "pornography and descriptions of going to the shops".
Well Stew, you're probably wondering where the usual description of me going to the shops is, having had your daily dose of porn (see above). Obviously, I have to be a bit careful here as, unlike the hard-working funnyman, I quite literally *do* have more money than sense and I'm a bit wary of scaring off my chavvy readers with bragging accounts of my latest Elton-esque spree. You know, I don't want people to run away with the idea that just because I *can* quite easily afford to buy expensive, non-essential items such as crowns, leisure centres, vintage motorcycles, tickets to The Arsenal, unlimited call girl facilities etc. on a weekly basis, that I actually *do* this. I tend to only go up the Arsenal a couple of times a month. And once you've bought one leisure centre...
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