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Saturday, 24 March 2007

Busy Week Ahead...

Yes, as the release of Madcap in the Attic draws closer by the day, I'm called into the office at the crack of dawn (hence this *ridiculously* early Saturday post...) by my agent. He may not sound it, but Moshe Fabian III is your archetypal old school Jewish theatrical agent/entrepreneur - you know, 100% manmade fibres from the roll of his powder blue polo-neck to the soles of his ersatz hushpuppies, all the schmatter - he's half Michael Winner and half Golda Meir, although which half is which is highly debatable. Reeking of recycled Shea Butter and kosher High Karate, he minces in enveloped by a fug of Cuban cigar smoke, respirator machine in tow, and blithely announces to no one in particular "I'm in a hurry, already, get your feet off the carpet, it's borrowed - alright already, time is money, boy have I been working for you my lovely boys[?], but why spoil a lovely day? OK, Monday..." and then proceeds to outline a quite dizzying sequence of promotional events, scams, ruses and dodges that leaves even me, the ultimate 'please the press in Belgium' Me-Jah whore quite liderally breathless.

Anyway, to cut to the chase, amidst all the boring supermarket openings, dial-tone hijackings and South Bank Shows (although I have to confess, I'm actually quite looking forward to finding out what Melvin thinks of the Emirates..), there are actually a couple of noteworthy promo spots that I thought might interest my few remaining readers. So, diaries to the ready. OK. Keep next Saturday free and, if you can, make sure you're near a radio between 10am and 1pm, preferably one that's tuned to Radio 2. That's right, believe it or not, Wossy saw the funny side of the Comic Relief spoof I posted last week. Turns out he's an absolute *pushover* for *any* speech impediment-based humour, even when he's the butt of it. Can't wait to have me on the show and he's even going to play a track from the album. Should I wear the Celtic top, or would that be pushing it, do you think?

Better still, the day after that, turn over for MOTD2 half an hour earlier and you'll have the rare privilege of seeing your humble scribe in the flesh, face to face with none other than.....that's right *Graham* *Norton*. Moshe insists I'm becoming a bit of a cult in gay circles (at least I *think* that's what he said - he had the respirator on and what with Barbara 'Bloody' Streisand constantly sqwawking away in the background.. I mean, it can be hard enough to make out what he's jabbering at the best of times, without "You don't bring me flowers" or the soundtrack to Yentl blaring out at full volume...) and if there's one place you can *guarantee* that a good quotient of arse bandits will be tuning in on a Sunday night (those that aren't out 'pink pounding' it at the local conveniences, obviously) then it's Graham's hilarious Sunday night mix of music, interview and tiresome innuendo based on the fact that we all know he's queer. So now all I need to do is work up a few tiresome innuendos based on the fact that I know that Graham Norton's queer and sit back and watch those CDs flounce off the shelves in their thousands! Elton's normally good for a couple of dozen or so, anyroad. One for each room, apparently...

L.U.V. on y'all,


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  1. Right, that's the Dorothies and the Spurs fans you've alienated. Anyone else on the list?

  2. You'd better be careful - you might get Norton's Internet Security Force on your case.

  3. "Norton's Internet Security Force"

    Bring 'em on Geoff.

    Tim, I'll stick with the meat and two veg Pompey and Hammers fans - I would've said Irons fans, but I don't want to get into any *more* trouble, do I??

    Plugged your book on #32, btw - unfortunately, it's not a very good plug, as you'll hear...

    L.U.V. on ya both,