It's being reported in certain quarters of the interweb - which for reasons of taste, decency and decorum I'm unfortunately unable to reveal (also, Patroclus will kill me if I let on that it's her...) - that I am and most of what I write is "a bit frightening". Obviously I'm in a rather difficult position here because this person who must remain anonymous for legal reasons (but whom you've probably all guessed already is actually Patroclus) will probably have their hands over their eyes or be cowering behind a sofa and thus unable to read *any* of this. And that's a shame because if she were to shed her fear and see beyond the over-bearing facade I present to the world on these pages she would glimpse not Bob, the towering, scaly, reptilian ogre of my blog persona but, rather, a not quite so tall, scaly reptilian ogre who's quite good with kids and occasionally helps out with the washing up. Why, even this very morn, the sight of BBC sports anchor (yes, it's actually a techincal term - not rhyming slang; look it up!) Chris Hollins being licked to devilment by a guide dog for the blind puppy so cute that it can only be described as off the woochie-coochie-coo scale was enough to have me wiping the tears from my horrifying scales with a trembling talon. Someone, then, who is most definitely - to co-opt and pervert a famous phrase - not scary, not a Bob.
All of which got me to thinking, am I *really* that horrible?? I know yesterday's post was a bit....erm...well, it was a bit terrifying now I come to think of it. Scared the shit out of me, anyroad. And yes, I know I can mean up with the best of them when I want to - and, sure, that's probably more than I'd like to admit. But "frightening"? I mean, I can cut up pretty rough in the bath, as many of you will have seen. And the cockrot...er hem...let's move swiftly on shall we? But has she never set eyes on Stray Photon? Now *that's* scary. And you should see him without the make up on...
Or (gulp) Istvanski???
So, to pursue the blatant Scary Duck rip-off that this post has, with grinding inevitability, become: A special Scary Bob Friday Vote-me-o:
Am I Frightening?
Or not??
L.U.V. on y'all,
Bob
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I think frightening is a strong word. Let's go with, Layered.
ReplyDeleteyeah, I like layered....
In the interests of fair play, I will hang out here a bit more and conduct an ongoing frighteningness assessment. Expect my report next week (unless you happen to flounce during that time, leaving me with insufficient source material to work with).
ReplyDeleteMake yourself at home, P.
ReplyDeleteYou might be waiting a long time, mind. Barely anyone comments here anymore, as you'll soon discover. In fact, it only seems to be when I flounce that I get any feedback at all - and then it's just people saying stuff like "and don't come back this time..."
I can't figure it out.
Must have frightened them off, I suppose...
L.U.V. on ya,
Bob
p.s. how are you bearing up?
About seventy eight per cent frightening.
ReplyDeleteI had to type this from behind the sofa cushions. And I need the toilet.
ReplyDeleteSo long as you stay in Twickenham, the good citizens of Croydon have nothing to fear.
ReplyDeleteSwipe knows where I live.
ReplyDeleteI'm scared.
So that must be frightening then.