Friday, 30 December 2005
Cooper fans in Uproar over Fallout from Deb's Atomic Dustbin Liner Dress.
Debbie Hairy: Did I miss a bit under the arms??"
Shock news coming to us on the wires today concerning legendary pop diva Debbie Harry who has enraged her own fans as well as those of the British comedy legend Tommy Cooper. The furore was whipped up during a concert performance by Harry and her chart-topping group Blondie at the Bournemouth International Centre on Christmas Eve. Half way through a performance of their magnificent number one smash hit, Heart of Glass, Harry donned a comedy fez and began to impersonate the hamfisted magician and comic genius.
Harry: "I put ten pounds on a horse the other day - 10-1. Didn't come in until half past three..."
In a bizarre twenty minute extended version of the dancefloor classic, Harry extemporised a succession of inept comedy magic tricks such as putting an egg under her arm, bashing it with her palm and watching perplexed as a feather floated down. Wearing a comedy saw prop on her head, Harry introduced herself saying "I don't know why I'm laughing, I've got a saw head" before muttering "glass, bottle, bottle, glass", cackling maniacally and saying "not like that, like that!"
Cooper: "I'm always touched by your presence, dear... where was I??"
The audience who had come expecting faithful renditions of their favourite hits made clear their disapproval of the travesty unfolding before them by hurling abuse, beer cans and hastily knocked up facsimiles of P-45 forms. "She was bloody terrible," opined one disgruntled fan. "I thought we were going to be treated to an evening of evergreen pop classics from the last great era of chart pop, not some two bit Tommy Cooper tribute act. She couldn't even get the bloody voice right - why they couldn't have let Chris Stein or Jimmy Destri have a bash, I don't know..."
Harry: "...and then I put on some comedy antlers and say, "...it was a stag party..."
In an attempt to appease the dismayed audience and to forestall the wave of protests from fans of the great funny man, Harry announced her intentions to auction off the famous bin-liner dress she wore in the video for her hit Atomic and donate the proceeds to a charity chosen by the estate of the late comedian. "It's a bit pongy with a few bits of last night's spag bol clinging to it and there are a few rips and tears in it, but it should look alright with a suitably dishevelled hairstyle and a pair of ripped pantyhose..." said the luscious blonde pop icon before police persuaded her to stop describing the item in the interests of crowd safety and because it was getting one or two of them overexcited in the downstairs department.
Love on y'all,