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Thursday, 8 December 2005

Roberta Swipe's Entertainment U.S.A. !!!

Hello there Swipesters!

Roberta here with another round-up of all the current goings and comings here in Tinseltown, CA. So, let's get right on with this week's happenings in the City where the Angels own a part of the name...

Reeves & Mortimer bid to revive another cult TV classic!

British comedy stars Vic Reeves and Bob Mortimer are thought to have secured the rights to the cult British TV series, Man in a Suitcase. The series, originally filmed in the UK between 1966-1968, received a brief revival in the late 1980s after the original star Richard Bradford was the cover star of the Smiths' single Panic. Nowadays, the series is considered somewhat of a lost gem so the comedy duo's plan to affect a revival of the cult show - much as they did with their updated take on the classic Randall and Hopkirk (Deceased) - has been warmly welcomed by fans of vintage telly addicts.

Richard Bradford: "I was a Smiths cover star, you know...oh, yes..."

In an unusual move, the comic couple have given the lead role to diminutive Middlesbrough-born Mortimer, who will play the series' hero McGill. "I'm deeply honoured and so pleased to have the chance to show the folks in Tellyland what I can do. Bob's been great - no jealousy at all from the great pastie! Which was nice!"

Mortimer: the new McGill

Reeves, real name Jim Moir, was efffusive about his partner's acting qualities. "He's going to be absolutely brilliant!" bellowed the telly star of Shooting Stars, Vic Reeves Big Night Out and Catterick. "Why, he's almost as good as me, only he doesn't smell so much of kippers and that bizarre stuff you find in the lining of those strangely textured driving gloves, like the ones Terry got from Bob and Thelma in the Christmas Special of The Likely Lads. Besides, my durable good looks, elasticated sides and easy-to-grip handle mean I'm just the man to do justice to the role of the suitcase..."

Reeves: delighted!

Man in a Suitcase begins filming as soon as Vic Reeves can be retrieved by Spanish baggage-handling officials who are currently staging industrial action....

More secrecy surrounding Saddam's Daughter, TV Wondergirl Michal Hussein...

Fears were mounting here on the West Coast that Michal Hussein, BBC newsreader and daughter of deposed dictator Saddam, may well have made real her threat to issue a photographic fatwa and thus ban all pictorial depictions of her face and body. This google search proves that even the one previously known image of the luscious televsion lovely has now been erased from the interweb. There are fears that the gorgeous news journalist and former Miss Islam will soon take to wearing the hijab live on air, thus depriving randy early morning news buffs and sexually frustrated Lesbian blog correspondents - already denied even a flash of her stockinged thighs by her industrial strength waist-to-toe trousers - all but the barest glimpse of her eyes.

An artist's impression of Michal Hussein broadcasting for Arab-based broadcaster Al-Jazeera. For reasons of identifiability and clarity, we have airbrushed out the obligatory veil in order to give readers some idea of what the change of channel might mean for the sultry television lovely...

We here at the Swipe show will be formally petitioning the Beeb over the forthcoming weeks in the hope of preserving Michal's place in the western news mainstream. There are serious concerns here that the hardening of Ms. Hussein's attitudes to Western attire may well be a covert signalling of a possible defection to Arab-based news provider al-Jazeera. We here at the Show will do all we can but, dear Swipesters, at the moment, that adds up to little more than our fervently voiced prayers that it's not too late....



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