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Wednesday, 7 December 2005

Morton Shadows' A-Z of Pop - Now Completely Restored and Digitally remastered!!

Howdy Swipesters,

Regular readers will know that, beneath the harsh, cynical, hard-bitten exterior of a world-weary, drug-addled pimp/pornographer, there is a warm, tender-hearted and generous drug-addled pimp/pornographer just waiting to get his hands on some moolah-making smut that he can peddle to sustain his agonsingly prohibitive carpet-cleaner/vodka/herring habit. So, it will come as no surprise to you that the post that follows is somewhat of a stroll down memory lane and - I gotta own up to you all here - I nearly had a tear in my eye when I finished re-reading it just before I clicked the publish button. (That's the last time I wear Lederhosen when I'm posting, by the way, no matter how taut they make my thighs look...)

Some background: Whilst trolling through our archives recently, I happened across the very first ever Morton Shadows column! There it was, lying neglected, unloved, curling up at the edges and with bits peeling off - a truly sad mockery of the gleaming original Mort and worked so long and hard on all those years ago...Sure enough, re-reading it, I was struck by a sense of disappointment. Where were all the images that I could have sworn I'd remembered? There were only links...and half of those didn't work. Well, anyone who knows me will tell you I'm a stickler for perfection and until I reach that glorious standard, I stay pretty much stickled. So, thanks to recent developments in blogging technology, The Robert Swipe Show is proud to present the first EVER Morton Shadows column as it was meant to be seen, enhanced and fully illustrated in glorious up-to-the-moment techni-colour and surround sound....Lady and Gentleman - Enjoy!!

OK, when I say then technology didn't exist, that's not strictly true....I mean, how was I to know that the icon of a photo meant you could insert an image? Huh? What do you think I am, some kind of blog-obsessed techno geek who trolls around leaving spam plugs for his site on every chat forum in cyberspace or something......DON'T ANSWER THAT!...)

The Robert Swipe Show is proud to introduce a new feature brought to you with the kind assistance of station W-KRUD out of Doom, Missourri. What this guy doesn't know about Rock 'n' roll music just ain't worth knowing! And now, thanks to our generous sponsors,

Simian's choice Monkey Pomade (my minkey's never use anything else!), we'll have the chance to dip our cans in his fantastic pool of knowledge. So, ladies and gentlemen, will you put your hands together and give a fantastic Swipe Show welcome to the one, the only, your very own.....Mr. Morton Shadows!!!!

Yo-di-doo-di folks,

This here week we gone start our 'lil jaunt back down the ages o' rock at that 'lil biddy ole letter B.

B is for.......

Betty Boo....

Betty Boo (Realname, Elizabeth Boo) began life as a cartoon character

but had pretty soon wowser dowsered her audiences by transforming into a boo-ty luscious sex goddess.

With her quirky musical sound and feline-erotic image,

Boo was set for international acclaim as the hits ("My boo-merang won't come back", "My boo-merang still won't come back", "My boo-meringue won't come back", "My Boo-mer-ooooooowwwwww-dang-it-ta-hell-my boomerang just came back") kept rollin' off the production line. The only way was up for

space cadet Betty until her career nosedived in 1990. Tragically, Boo's world collapsed when,

poised to sign for Celtic, she failed a medical and has been

languishing in the Scottish 2nd division ever since.

Keep on Rockin'!!!


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