Peace and blessings be upon you! As you will know, we here at Swipe Towers like to take an even-handed view on things. For every anti-New Labour piece decrying the crazed, neo-Nazi state of the Bleeeeuuuuuuurrrgh administration we put up, there is usually a correspondingly vitriolic denunciation of lunatic Tory dancehall Gangsta, MC Cameron coming along not far behind it. It's the way things work in this great country of ours - everything in moderation, checks and balances, treating those two imposters alike and so on and so forth. We like to think that no one party or grouping has a divine right to all of our hideously warped invective. Rather like an elephant taking a dump, a we like to spread it around a bit - so much so that our motto could be "a plague on all your houses - and up your dogs!!" So, as you'll probably already have guessed, when it comes to the current furore over freedom of expression/the right to offend/religious intolerance, we couldn't let our bigoted, hateful disdain for the extremists within the Islamic community go up without us offering a corresponding viewpoint from a prominent British Muslim.
So, we've offered the outspoken media personality Saira Khan a platform to speak her mind on the whole issue. As is our policy on The Show, we've given her complete editorial control, so - be warned - this post comes with a pretty large health warning! Whilst we would like it to be known that her views do not necessarily reflect those of The Robert Swipe Show, we also know only to well that when it comes to Saira, you just Khan argue with her!!
MY NAME IS SAIRA KHAN. YOU PROBABLY REMEMBER ME FROM THAT TELEVISION PROGRAMME THE APPRENTICE. (I WAS THE GOBBY ASIAN ONE!) ALTHOUGH I DON'T WEAR A VEIL AND I'M USUALLY TOO BUSY TO PRAY 5 TIMES A DAY, I AM VERY PROUD TO BE A MUSLIM. I LOVE MY RELIGION AND CULTURE AND FEEL GRATEFUL THAT I AM FREE TO PRACTICE MY FAITH IN THIS COUNTRY. (I'M NOT ACTUALLY SHOUTING, BY THE WAY - I JUST NATURALLY HAPPEN TO HAVE A VERY LOUD VOICE...)
BUT I AM ALSO BRITISH. I WAS BORN HERE, I GREW UP HERE AND I LOVE THIS COUNTRY WITH A PASSION: FISH AND CHIPS, PIGEON FANCYING, JIM DAVIDSON - I HATE THEM ALL AS MUCH AS ANY OTHER BRITISH PERSON. AND THAT'S WHY, WHEN I SAW THE RECENT PROTESTS IN LONDON, WITH THOSE AWFUL IMAGES OF PEOPLE - MUSLIM PEOPLE - CALLING FOR FURTHER TERRORIST ATTACKS AND BEHEADINGS AND SO ON, I WAS SHOCKED TO THE STOMACH AND ANGRY. VERY, VERY ANGRY!
I KNOW THAT SOME ASPECTS OF CONTEMPORARY BRITISH LIFE - OUR INVOLVEMENT IN IRAQ, GUANTANAMO BAY, THE IMPRISONMENT OF ABU HAMZA WHILST NICK GRIFFIN WALKS FREE, AND SO ON - COULD BE PERCEIVED AS BEING ANTI-MUSLIM, BUT THERE IS STILL NO EXCUSE FOR THE KIND OF SCENES WE SAW LAST WEEKEND. YOUNG MEN DRESSED AS SUICIDE BOMBERS HOLDING UP PLACARDS BEARING HATE-FILLED SLOGANS. THESE PEOPLE COULD HAVE BEEN GUNNED DOWN WHERE THEY STOOD IF THEY'D PROTESTED THE SAME WAY IN SOME OF THE OTHER MUSLIM-RUN NATIONS IN THE WORLD - IRAN, SAUDI ARABIA, OR FRANCE FOR INSTANCE. THESE PEOPLE OBVIOUSLY DON'T REALISE HOW LUCKY THEY ARE TO LIVE IN BRITAIN. I MEAN, WHAT IS IT WITH THESE PEOPLE, YEAH? THEY COME OVER HERE, BUILD A MOSQUE ON EVERY CORNER - ON THE BLOODY RATES, MIND - DO AS THEY PLEASE WITH NO RESTRAINTS OR CENSURE. AND THEN, WHEN ANYTHING HAPPENS THAT THEY DON'T AGREE WITH, THEY'RE OUT ON THE STREETS, BURNING FLAGS AND SHOUTING THEIR HEADS OFF (..THEY ARE SO SHRRRRIIIILLLL, YEAH?) DEMANDING WE MUTILATE ADULTRESSES, BEHEAD ALL POOVES AND KILL THE JEWS - (THEY REALLY FCUKING HATE THE JEWS, INNIT?) AND ALL THE TIME, US HARD WORKING, PEACE-LOVING BRITS HAVE TO KEEP QUIET - COS YOU CAN'T CRITICISE THEM OR NOTHING, IT'S ILLEGAL NOW, INNIT? - OR WE GET BANGED UP FOR INCITING RELIGIOUS HATRED OR SOMETHING, RIGHT? YOU KNOW WHAT I RECKON WE SHOULD DO YEAH? ANYONE WHO DOESN'T WANT TO LIVE HERE IN A SECULAR, LIBERAL SOCIETY WHERE ALL ARE FREE TO PRACTICE (OR NOT, AS THE CASE MAY BE) THEIR RELIGION OR OTHERWISE OF CHOICE BUT WOULD RATHER LIVE UNDER SHARIA LAW, RIGHT? WELL ALL THEM PEOPLE, CAN, LIKE, FCUK OFF AND LIVE IN AFGHANISTAN OR SOMETHING, INNIT??
"...AND WAS JERUSALEM BUILDED HERE - ON ENGLAND'S PLEASANT PASTURES GREEN???"
(I HAD THAT RICHARD LITTLEJOHN IN THE BACK OF MY CAB THE OTHER DAY....)
Love on y'all,
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises