in association with Good Housekeeping Magazine.....
.....with the participation of the London School of Home Economics....
.....proudly present.....
Anthony Worral Thompson......
as Don.....
......Gordon Ramsay......
......as Gal......
......Delia Smith....
....and Nigella Lawson
.....as "the two birds".....
...with special guest appearance by Ainsley Harriott.....
....as "Aitch"......
in an Egon Ronay film.......
SEXY BISTRO.....
Gal Dove thinks he's escaped from his former epicurean lifestyle as he savours retirement in the Costa de Sol greasy spoon he has bought with his ill-gotten gains. But Don Logan has other ideas and plans to coax and cajole Gal into just one more 5-star maitre-d service......
Gal: "Phwooaaar - this kitchen's sweltering...scorching...roasting...."
Don: "I know, I'm sweating like a cunt"
Gal: "...reminds me Don...ere, put these parsnips in to sweat on a low heat for 15 minutes will yer?"
Don: "I will in a minute when I 'ave a piss"
Gal: "Well, just make sure you wash your hands after....and try not to piss all over the carpet again...."
"Aitch": "Yeah, I'm not eating stuff cooked by someone with pissy fingers..."
Don: "Aitch, behave I'm paying for your meal"
"Aitch: "I was just saying, like, Don..."
Don: "Is your middle name ungrateful or what?"
Gal: "...are these scallops ready to go in yet, Don?"
Don: "No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No! No!"
Gal: "I was only asking....."
Don: "I find this astonishing"
Gal: "What's that, Don?"
Don: "Is this a fuck off Gal?"
Gal: "No, Don - it's an artichoke. Fuck knows how you cook it though...."
Don: "You ever watch that Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares programme, Gal?"
Gal: "No, Don. Any Good?"
Don: "I like it..."
Gal: "Why's that Don?"
Don: "It's the sheer fuckoffness of it all"
At a restaurant near you, from Friday....
Love on y'all,
Bob
......."That lump of shit said that?"
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
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