Hi Swipesters!!
All those of you who have been straining at the leash waiting for news of our annual Swipe-oree will be glad to know that we have now finally firmed up the details of this year's Convention. The Swipe-fest will be taking place 13th-18th April and we are proud to announce an exciting international venue has been secured for the 2006 bash. You've probably already guessed where it is but for those of you who haven't, here are a few clues: "Start spreading the news, I'm leaving today!" "We'll go to Coney and eat baloney on a rope..." "...it's a wonderful place" ...so good they named it twice.
The Swipe bandwagon hits the road with enough baby lotion and Drambuie all over boby rub to drown the whole of Tallahassie ....
That's right folks, this year we'll be painting the town red in Mayor's Income, Tennessee at the Smedley Weingarten Memorial Community Centre and Drop-by. We'll be manning the plywood trestle table to the right of the Seventh Day Adventist Lobotomy for Jesus Campaign stand and next door but one to the Old Seagram's Medicinal and Compound Rubs and Cod-Pourri Piece and Pouch exhibit. I do trust that there'll be a good turn-out - especially from this particular prophet's home town, as it were. I would remind those of you planning to fly from Britain that, as part of its drive to boost flagging tourism trade from across the water in the wake of 9/11, the US government is currently offering the inticing incentive of a whopping $126 travel tax on incoming visitors. Jeez, I'd pay treble that to have my colon searched for nitro-glycerine by a humourless lards-ass from Queens! (But, as Rowan is constantly reminding me, this trip is all about business - not pleasure! Although I will, of course be keeping a close eye on her movements leading up to departure. Last time she somehow managed to smuggle in three pairs of handcuffs and an Iron Maiden and I dang well know they weren't in her luggage cos I helped her pack. Come to think of it, those cuffs did carry a whiff of a strange aroma.....)
Rowan Pelling takes no chances as she attempts to gain free admission to 2006 Swipe-oree.
So, join me, Rowan and all of the gang at the 2006 Swipe-ree and Charity whist drive. We will be offering half price entry to anyone wearing a Bob Swipe t-shirt. There will be further discounts for anyone wearing figure hugging PVC and displaying any part of their nether regions in a grossly exhibitionist (and borderline illegal) manner. Throw in a few sexual favours and the promise of an all-over body rub and - dang it - you might even come out of the hall with a few crumpled bucks stuffed down your cleavage!! So book today and enjoy the pointless-congregation-where-you-are-fleeced-of-enormous-sums-of-money-and-exposed-to-unwarranted-sexual-harrassment of a lifetime!!
See you there, y'all!
Bob
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
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