TB: .....here, Soph. What do you make of Ralph Fiennes?
SR: Who?
TB: Ralph Fiennes...
SR: ...Oh, you mean Ralph Fiennes?
TB: "....Yes, that's what I said..."
SR: No, Tans. You said Ralph, as in Ralph McTell or Ralph Nader. It's actually pronounced Ralph, as in waifs and strays, only with an 'R' at the beginning, if you see what I mean....
TB: [mutters:].....Ralph as in waif only with an "R" at the beginning? The poor darling's lost it. [out loud]: What are you on about, Sophs?
SR: Look Tans., it's simple. Ralph pronounces his name Ralph, to rhyme with Ralph even though he spells it R-A-L-P-H, the same way as Ralph Waldo Emerson or Ralph Malph.
TB: ....so Tans, you're saying that he spells it Ralph like everyone else, but for some reason best known to himself, chooses to use a made up pronuniciation that bears no resemblance to the actual spelling - is that correct?
SR: Spot on Tans...
TB: Desiree, have you ever heard of anything so ridiculous in all your born days?
Desiree: No way, Hosannah. This Ralph/Ralph is clearly a mentalist. I mean, could you imagine Burnley, Tottenham and England legend Ralph Coates pronouncing his Christian name so that it would rhyme with the word waif? He'd never have heard the end of it in the Turf Moor dressing room....
TB: Thank you.
SR: That's neither here nor there. You can't base your whole argument on how some obscure, bizarrely coiffed 1970s football legend may or may not choose to pronounce his given name....
TB: Oh, but we're supposed to take some snooty son of an arctic exploring toff at face value are we.....Oooohhhhhh!! Now look what you've done - I've got so worked up about this I've pinged the elastic in my hold up...did I tell you my blood pressure's gone through the roof lately??
SR: Honestly Tans, you really need to start looking after yourself. You can't keep on like this... I mean, if you keep knocking back a box of Stowells a night, you're asking for it. And the cream cakes don't help, either. You want to start doing at least a little exercise or you'll go pop one day, young lady....
TB: Ah Soph, you're so right. I really should start looking after myself a bit better. You're a real brick for telling me a few home truths. Thanks for being so honest. As a small token of my gratitude...here....have these.
SR: Oh Tans, they're lovely! Where did you get them?
TB: Sally Army again. It's like taking candy off a baby. They really are slack!
SR: Thanks a bundle Tans - I'll just stick them in some water. Do you think this blooming Godot's ever going to come? Oh well, suppose I'd better stick the kettle on......minty choc drinks all round girls??
ALL: Mmmm hmmmm!!
Love on ya'll,
Bob
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
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