It's very easy to have a go at Madonna, isn't it? Talentless, haggy, desperate, baby thieving whore, who can swallow a yard of ale glass sideways while gargling the theme from the Great Escape are just some of the words that spring to mind.
But I must say, Madge has always been very fair in her dealings with me since we became friends on myspace - so much so, that I broke with my tradition of being *cool* about celebrity friends and left her this message:
Hi Madge,
Thanks so much for being a friend. It must have taken some guts knowing what a *total* ming you'd look alongside me. But fair play to you. I don't care what the others say. You may well be a talentless, haggy, desperate, baby thieving whore, who can swallow a yard of ale glass sideways while gargling the theme from the Great Escape, but you're alright with me!
xxxxx
'Berta
p.s. - Good luck with the adoption. If it all goes tits up, you can always have a couple of mine...
So give the girl a break, alright!
xxxx
'Berta
*******UPDATE******************
As she hadn't got back to me yet, I sent her this:
Have great new year Madge!!
(And I was serious about the kid thing - if you're deperate, you can always have a couple of mine. They're not black, but they can scream the house down and cack themselves for England!)
Wishing you every happiness for the year ahead and beyond,
xxxx
'Berta
I'm still waiting foir a reply....
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Ha ha ha aha ha ahahahahahahahaha. Am I the only reader left - or probably the only one that isn't working today maybe? Gloat gloat.
ReplyDeleteI think it's the former Mo of Ro.
ReplyDeleteBob did say this was a poisoned chalice, but I never for one moment thought it would get *this* desperate....
Still, as long as you're happy, oh Picker of Popeth taketh twoeth....
Oh and you could always spread the word amongst the non-believer's that I am *actually* a *lot* funnier than my bro once you get to know me (...or have had enough to drink/sexual favours etc. etc...)
xxxx
'Berta
Is it because you are a lesbian?
ReplyDelete...has *that* ever been in any doubt....????
ReplyDeletexxxx
'Berta
Thanks for clocking in, btw Mo of the Ro. It is appreciated. I know I'm not Bob, but I'm doing my best here....
How's the new occupational therapy program going with Bob? Has he regained the use of his bowels yet?
ReplyDeleteHe's regained the bowels Mo of Ro (...in a bag - yuk!!) but still has no idea as to how to use them.
ReplyDeleteStill, it makes for a great prop to swing round during his hilarious version of Batchelor Boy. Keith Allen nearly *died* laughing at it. Unfortunately, it *was* only nearly though...
xxxx
'Berta
Having spent some quality time with the male Swipe sibling recently (loveley etchings if your reading, Bob) I can confirm that the bowels in question do seem to be fully functional. Cor! Pungent hardly does it justice. More tea, Vicar?
ReplyDelete