As if I didn't need reminding of the daunting nature of the task ahead if I'm ever to fill my brother's shoes on this poxy blogathon of his, the reaction to yesterday's post (thanks Mo of Ro - nice to know there's someone out there....) has filled me with dread and forboding as to the unlikeliness of my pulling off next phase of the project. I know many of you worship the ground that Bob walks on, and ...yeah, he has his good points, I suppose, don't get me wrong....he can be generous to a fault if he thinks it will get him out of doing something and he mixes a *mean* drambuie/fruit/carpet cleaner based molotov that will have your legs parted faster than Moses divvying up the Red Sea with only 5 minutes to go before last orders at the bar. But I have to tell it like it is and, brother or not, I have to prick your bubble here and let you into a little secret. Don't be tricked by the carefree demeanour and the easy going charm; don't let the smouldering Brando looks and the dry-as-Woody-Allen's-Manhattan-with-a-dry-ice-top laconic wit fool you. He may well have promised to give his liver to Rwandan orphans (well, I say 'give' - it's more of a highly complex cryogenic lend/lease reciprocal actually..) but the man can also be a bit of a mean spirited tossbag and a downright hardfaced cunt to boot when it suits, if I can be frank. And at the moment, it suits.
You see, not only does he insist that I earn my corn by seeing this thing through until we make the 100,000 visit mark (yeah, like there's more chance of London 2012 going ahead on time than this shite hitting six figures this side of the 22nd century....when it comes to my "impact" on this site's popularity, the words kiss, of and death spring to mind ....), but he also wants me to revitalise his blessed Bobcasts too - you know, the ones you were all ignoring while you were busy turning The Mo of Ro into the 3.76 rated, award winning, Leather miniskirted, tights-round her ankles, female Fluff Freeman de nose jaws? Well, that's the plan. But first I've got to see if Bitchslutpod will let me change the name. I mean, come on - do I look like a Robert to you??
Anyways, I'll let you know when I've got it all sorted. Can't wait, as I'm sure you can't either....
xxxx
'Berta
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Berta, what exactly have you done with young Bob?
ReplyDeleteWhat have I done with Bob, Spin? Well, we've had rows, pulled one another's hair, had pillow fights, gone on long, boring caravaning holidays with our parents, later on we've borrowed one another's eyeliner, tights and lip gloss (without the other knowing, obviously...) - you know, just all the usual bro and sis shit.
ReplyDeleteOh, and the drugs of course...
xxxx
'Berta
You forgot to mention the incestous incident that the two of you had together.
ReplyDeleteI've still got the polaroids.