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Thursday, 19 January 2006

Ann Wintour Demands Campbell Skin Coat - Exclusive!!

Yo Swipesters,

Fashion news: Delectable Vogue editrice Anne Wintour says she has tired of wearing fur and has developed a hankering for a coat made from the skin of supermodel Naomi Campbell.

Anne Wintour with curiously named daughter Bee. (Insert your own Bee in a bonnet-style captions - preferably up Anne Wintour's arsehole.)

The feisty Conde Nasty bigwig gave a big no-no to foxstoles and minged the minks when she turned up for the launch of a prestigious new clothes line wearing a jacket made out of young ghetto children. But in her ceaseless quest for the perfect garment, Wintour has since claimed that you are only as classy as the lady you have on your back. Having failed to entice Kristen Scott Thomas to donate her beautifully matured hide, Wintour is thought to have approached temperamental British model Naomi with regard to a lend-lease deal that would allow the fashion editor rights to Campbell's exterior at weekends and for Oscar ceremonies.

Scott Thomas: " much class, she could play for the Arsenal..." Arsene, make it so....

"It was a real drag when Kristen turned me down but, hey! What are you gonna do? Besides, I noticed she's getting a little saggy in the crow's feet department so maybe I kinda lucked out there! Everyone knows that Black is the new Amer-Indian, so who better to ask than Naomi?" Questioned as to the ethics of her new craving for the epidermal couture that's so skIN this season, Winter was defiant. "All those bleeding hearts out there pissing in my soup over me wearing fox fur and mink can just butt out, lady! A fox is OK draped over my shoulders, but would you want one whooping and a'hollerin' and going through your bins at 4 a.m. in the bins? And it's exactly the same where Naomi's concerned. They may have great natural rhythm and be fabulous at tennis and basketball, but would you want one living next door to you?"

"9/10, Shania": Insert your own Mark Twain caption - again, preferably up Anne Wintour's arsehole...

In the meantime, while she waits for her very own little black number, our fashion experts opine that Anne could do worse than to settle for the simple downhome elegance of a Shania Twain. She may be common, lowdown trailer trash who would stab her own grandmother for 30 cents, but at $5 a metre, she's incredibly good value - soft as satin and man, She feels like a woman!

Love on y'all,


© 2006 Swipe Enterprises

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