The more observant of our readers will have noticed a significant drop in the quality of our posting over the last few weeks, culminating in yesterday's frankly abject effort. This is obviously of great concern to all of us here at Swipe Towers, especially as the paucity of imagination shown in our output recently is beginning to have a knock-on effect on our readership figures. So, we decided to commission a user survey from a renowned Market Research company. Unfortunately, they weren't able to tell us anything remotely useful, but a quick glance at our site meter was enough for us to realise that unless we took remedial action - and pronto - the Swipe Show would soon be consigned to the dustbin of weblog history. So, whilst we realise that posting pictures of nubile newsreaders like Nina Hossain
Nina Hossain: the 'u' and the 'e' changed to avoid Mishal Hussein-esque Saddam daughter confusion.
and tacking on spurious, pun-driven spoof stories is no substitute for genuine wit and perceptive social comment, dang to Murgatroyd, it don't not do any harm does it, for heck's sake??
There is of course a reason for our criminally inadequate efforts of late. Over the last month or so, our staff have been working flat out to ready The Robert Swipe Almanac, Tide Tables and Year Planner for publication, and you'll be pleased to know that we've got about 90% of it all typed up, proof-read and ready. Now all we need is to find some idiot to publish it. So, in a belated effort to regenerate our readership - we're down to 15 visits a week now: two thirds of those are Mike Da Hat and I'm pretty sure Rowan Pelling is the anonymous viewer based in Gdansk who writes in requesting alcohol-based body rubs - I will be introducing an innovative new concept in web-based publishing. (OK, I'll be ripping off Scary Duck as per...)
To celebrate the near-completion of our Almanac, we will be giving you, are loyal readers, your chance to vote for the extract of your choice from the list below. We will post up the winner on Monday (assuming anyone can be bothered to vote, of course...) So, get voting and apologies for the crap you've had to endure over the last few months.
Love on y'all,
Drop us a line to let us know which of the following extracts you'd like to see posted:
a: Is there a God, and if so, why is She doing this to us?
b: What happens in a Library run by dyslexics?
c: Can animals really talk?
d) What if posh girls spoke common…
e) What do porn actors do on their days off?
f) Is there such a thing as a Utopia?
The extract with the most votes will be posted up Monday
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises