'A Place in the Sun' star Amanda Lamb about to stalk Bob disguised as a volunteer for a homeless charity....
...well, there does seem to be a pattern emerging.....
Monday 2nd Jan, 10.35 am. Rothergavenny High Street. Who is walking provocatively ahead of me in a flimsy micro dress only to "accidentally-on-purpose" drop her handkerchief and, whilst bending down to pick the thing up, gives me an eyeful of something I'd much rather not have to witness - at least not until I've been able to dive into Cwffi Repwblic for a fast-breaking latte and cinnamon Danish.....??
Tuesday 3rd Jan, 15.25 pm. I pop into Waitrose in the Rhoddri Morgan Shopping Precinct and Go-Cart Rink to pick up a hundred weight of easy peel satsumas, a drum of baby lotion, a B.O.G.O.F. litre of 'buie and an arctic role for the staff post-Christmas de-tox bash when who should be standing ahead of me in the queue, haggling over the price of a bruised, reduced-to-clear kumquat....???
Thursday 5th January, 11.40 am. I'm in Cwrrys in Llanspwtwm Street, trying to shoplift an interconnect upgrade for the office nano-pod, when who should stride past me with her nose in the air carrying a 12 watt micro-hifi system and a dozen 5-pack DVD+RWs on her way to grass me up to the in-store security detectives....????
Friday, 6th January, 16:50. I'm minding my own business, alright, just waiting in the reception corridor at the Llan Ambwlans and District Criminal Court, when who should ask her legal representatives to accuse me of repeated harrassment of a sexual nature and apply for a 15 mile exclusion order and a revocation of my suspended sentence for previous offences of a similar nature....?????
Look here Amanda - for the million and third time: IT'S OVER! NOW GET OVER IT!!
Love on y'all (apart from you Mandy, you sad and hideous obsessive...)
Bob
Who is walking provocatively ahead of me in a flimsy micro dress only to "accidentally-on-purpose" drop her handkerchief and, whilst bending down to pick the thing up, gives me an eyeful of something I'd much rather not have to witness
ReplyDeleteActually, that was me, Bob, so it was. Sorry for any distress caused, so I am.
Brian,
ReplyDeleteThat's a relief, so it is. You know how much I despise that woman - especially as I was wearing exactly the same thing myself!!
(Don't you just hate it when that happens??)
Love on ya (so there is),
Bob
What? You dress up like that old tart on the widows pension adverts as well?
ReplyDeleteBut I'd guess you'd call it your "Doctor Who" look, a la Jon Pertweeeeee. But don't you think the fish nets are a bit of a give away, they'll see right through it down at the convention. Well it's better than dressing up as a Klingon.
Your humour confuses me greatly. Do you like or dislike the delectable Miss Lamb?
ReplyDeleteAnonymous,
ReplyDeleteI think she's a belter. I just don't like being followed around Waitrose by a woman in mourning dress trying to sell me a time-share apartment on the Algarve.
I normally go to Tesco for things like that...
(...are you Rowan Pelling btw? If so - love the teeth!)
Love on ya (whoever you are...)
Bob