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Monday, 20 March 2006

Iraqi Invasion "Descending Into Anarchic Farce", Says Senior White House Source - Exclusive!!!


A somewhat graver post than usual today. We commemorate the third anniversary of the invasion of Iraq as the news emerges that prominent voices in the Bush administration are privately reflecting that the occupation of the country is descending into anarchy and farce. Reports today suggest that insurgents, dressed as Iraqi policeman have been attacking allied positions in and around the secure Green Zone of Baghdad making a mockery of coalition claims that an end to the civil unrest is in sight. US troops, dressed up in khaki fatigues and desert military appareil were subjected to surprise attacks by terrorists disguising themselves as legitimate members of the emerging Iraqi security forces. The insurgents were able to pass themselves off as Iraqi forces currently being trained to take over law enforcement and security duties from those same occupying forces, thanks to a fearful wardrobe of military costumes, evidently assembled with a keen eye for detail and an unstinting desire to achieve a staggering degree of verisimilitude. Coalition spooks are fearful that the rebels may have been harnessing the talents of Hollywood costume designers or even military tailoring firms, so uncanny is the resemblance of the insurgents to bona fide Iraqi security forces. There are fears that several civilians, dressed in everyday civilian clothing - or "civvies", as they are known within the forces - have also been able to pass themselves off as vicious sectarian paramilitaries, although as of yet, there are no reports of any one very badly dressed as a giant hotdog with heavily mustarded bun wings being involved.

Someone very badly dressed as a giant hotdog with heavily mustarded bun wings - is this another casualty of war?

Despite the whisperings of discontent emanating from within the White House, President Bush, dressed as an arrogant, Texan billionaire with the blood of tens of thousands on his sappy Ivy League-shirker, mama's boy hands, was in no mood to compromise. "We will prevail!" urged the Commander-in-Chief, wearing the look of a recovering alcoholic, fundamentalist Christian nutcase with the keen understanding of Interntaional affairs and global politics of a brain dead Tsetse fly after a bungled frontal lobotomy.

George W Bush: World leader pretend? Cunthook, for certain...

Meanwhile in Britain, Defence minister John Reid, dressed as a deeply unpleasant Scottish git you wouldn't cross the road to hawk on if his knackers were on fire, claimed that the Blair government was standing "shoulder to shoulder with our American allies until we get this job done". Speaking from within a deep concrete bunker, a man in a dull suit claiming to be the Prime Minister of Great Britain said, "if I had my time again, I wouldn't change anything. I'm sorry, but I'm just ridiculously stupid and stubborn that way. I know you won't like it, but there's nothing on the job description that says you're disqualified from running for high office if you show the common sense of a BSE riddled gnu with the IQ of a particularly retarded pile of retard's vom. Not that I wouldn't have stood anyway even if there was, of course....."

For Emily, wherever I may find her.... The London news lovely lights up London fashion week with the Bertie Bassett look.....

In an unrelated development, BBC London news presenter Emily Maitlis, dressed up as a liquorice allsort, has been the subject of fresh boob+titty+holdups+knocker+fondle+fanny+wankup+crotch+pastry-style internet searches. A spokesman for Google has apologised for the lack of material generated by this search and discussions are under way with the Chinese authorities to provide high quality computer mock-ups for the western market.

Emily Maitlis is currently appearing as Widow Twanky in Boob+titty+holdups+knocker+fondle+fanny+wankup+ and the Beanstalk at the Crotch Theatre, Pastry.....

Love on y'all,


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