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Monday, 6 March 2006

Pentagon Reveals "Plan B" for Iraq.


News reaches us today that in a desperate bid to shore up the troubled occupation of Iraq, The Pentagon will be restoring the Provisional Authority that governed the country in the immediate aftermath of the 2003 invasion. The US has given up on the elected Iraqi administration and has approached Seinfeld writer and Curb Your Enthusiasm star Larry David to take over the role previously held by Paul Bremmer.

The White House plans to send the deadpan comedian out to the troubled region later this month, in an attempt to salvage the botched operation to bring peace, democracy and stability to the country. David will be responsible for keeping a lid on the simmering sectarian tensions that threaten to plunge Iraq into a bloody civil war. "Larry's a great choice for a difficult role like this", claimed a senior White House spokesman. "For a start, he's a Jew - so there's no way he can be accused of siding with one faction over another (apart from Israel, obviously!) I think he'll be very even-handed over this. There'll be no Sunni this or Shi-ite that - they're all just crazy A-rabs to someone like Larry!"

'Curb Your Enthusiasm' star Cheryl Hines in gratuitous see-through midfriff shot controversy...

The appointment has been greeted with some concern elsewhere in Washington. Democrats are drawing attention to Mr. David's previous record and suggesting that the man is an accident waiting to happen. "This is just nuts!" claimed a senior Democrat source. "I mean, they couldn't have picked a worse man for the job, if you ask me. The guy just has to go out for a paper and all hell breaks loose. Remember the time he was put in charge of organising his wife's aunts obituary and it came out saying, 'beloved cunt' instead of beloved aunt? If he can louse up something as easy as that, what kind of mayhem will he cause in a nation on the brink of tearing itself apart? It just takes one off-colour remark or an ill-considered photo-op wearing a comedy turban or such like and the whole pace could go up. Is Larry David really the best man to unite a country that's falling apart at the seams?"

A totally gratuitous Joan Collins. Can you believe she's 72 years of age? Do you think she still, you know.....?

Senior White House aides, however, are more optimistic. "We've tried everything to bring the Iraqi people freedom and stability, but it just seems that whatever we do, the place is still a nightmare. In fact, at times, it's almost like watching an episode of Curb Your Enthusiasm. Larry may well be a magnet for the worst possible outcome whenever he tries to do someone a good turn, but he couldn't really make matters worse than they already are, could he?"

The world waits in hope...

Love on y'all,


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