In and out of Africa

Hi Swipesters,

Well now, many apologies for those of you who checked in over the last couple days expecting the usual melange of satire, comedy joke type things and violent pornography. I had hoped to post up a couple things while I was away, but I couldn't get near a computer. Still, whaddaya expect when you go somewhere third world-like Africa for a lomg weekend? Yep, you heard right. I just hot rubberlegged it back from Malawi where I had been invited by a company called World Learning to help build up the infrastructure there - well, the poor honeys have no internet and not much food, so how could I refuse? Well I know, I could easily have refused, but they were offering several thousand big one smackeroonies and all expenses paid too. So I was at the Air Malawi checkin counter before you could say "the Department for International Development gravy train has just come in, be quick and fill your boots Bob". But it's not all fun and junketing out there, oh no! In fact, these guys are seriously short of laughs at the moment and that's without factoring in the effects of the current drought. And that's where I come in. You see, as part of the US organization, the National Democratic Institute's efforts to establish strong democratic roots in the country, I was asked to bring my experience and expertise to the party. Can I be frank here for a second? This is not very PC, but I'm gonna say it anyway: those guys over there just don't know the meaning of the word satire, do they? To rectify this appaling state of affairs, I was asked to act as a consultant, helping young Malawians to set up their own amusing, topical weblogs where they could rant about the state of the world, put up pictures of scantily clad maidens - possibly even assume the identity of a female persona - and generally goof around at the world's expense. Because these poor people have been deprived of even the most basic forms of irreverent humour for so long that some of their senses of humour are quite visibly fading away. I know, it really is terrible. Indeed, the situation had got so bad that some people hadn't read a sledgehammer subtle deconstruction of the war on terror for several days!

Anyway, to cut a long story short, I arrived at my hotel, put my feet up after clearing out the drinks cab and was just about to get the little fellow downstairs out and start searching for the adult movie channels when I get a call saying, "sorry Bob, there's been a change of plan". Seems that the dang drought has bit in so deep that they have had to reluctantly let a few consultants go, including, more's the pity, your humble servant. So there you have it, the cause of Malawian web satire has been set back a few years. Still, on the plus side, I get to pocket a nice 5 figure consultant's fee and had a pleasant 35 minute stay in the world's 10th poorest country - even if I couldn't get the security lock off the porn channel! Oh, and my airmiles are looking fairly healthy too!



Love on y'all,


Bob


P.S. Silverton watch:

Spotted being wheeled into a cool and shady spot in BBC Television Centre: THIS