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Monday, 8 August 2005

Rebrand UK

Morning Swipesters!

Well, strange as it may seem coming from an ex-pat Welsh-American who doesn't know one end of batsman from a wicketkeeper's box, but isn't Cricket just a great game? So much better than silly old Football! Just have the dang trophy Chelsea, will ya? I have resolved to follow the rest of the series if at all possible - those Ashes are right up for grabs now, right Australia?

But on a more serious note, I am pleased that at long last steps are being taken in the old country to forge a similar feeling of nationhood and comradeship as exists here in the U.S. of A. How many times have I driven past an American-Indian reservation and marvelled at the way we integrate immigrants into this country, whilst allowing them to preserve their own cultures and traditions (sans buffalo, obviously). At long last, my own country of origin is about to introduce a similar approach. And about time too!

Yes, Home office Ministeress Hazel Bleugh has outtlined proposals aimed at ending the divisive impact ethnic difference is having on the old country. Fearful of attempts by Asian Islamofascists to undermine national unity by blowing up citizens of every hue and creed, it has been decided that a rebranding exercise could stress the commonality of all UK citizens and establish a more cohesive society. Sounds fair to me. Thus, I am no longer Welsh, but British-Welsh, Asians are now British-Asian and so on. This will be particularly useful in bridging the divided communities of Northern Ireland. How will they be able to fight their fellow British-Northern-Irish men and women? Exactly, it just doesn't make sense, does it?

So, a jolly good thing if you ask me. It will surely take no time at all for the newly-named British-Asian-Islamofascists to reintegrate themselves into our wonderfully free and tolerant society so that they too can begin to enjoy the pleasures of warm beer, cricket on the green and chicken tikka massala.

Well done Hazel!

Kaplinsky watch: No 129 Monday, 8th August

Attire: Subtle pinstripe-skirt-suit-type-thing (racy-lacy trim - or exposed under garment? More research needed)

Shoes: Strappy, sluttish. No Crimson disco? Generally preferred with p/s.

Hair: 4.8 on the PCMS (Post-coital/Mussing Scale) Has acquired hairbrush? More research required [No styling mousse. Running late?]

Demeanour: Smug, shag serene.

Smile effort estimate: 0.7 % (Still buzzing? Ball bearings?)

Kaplinsky watch is a non-profit organisation which aims to outlaw this degrading, barbaric and pointless sport.

Love on y'all,


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