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Thursday, 4 August 2005

Joan Collins is being destroyed from within

Evening Swipesters!

Apologies to all of you still awaiting the runner up in the Interactive Bob vote. That will be posted next week. I know, I know - I did promise, I know, but this is meant to be a topical blog and I just had to comment on the very disturbing developments in the land I once called home.

(P.S. Check out the link at the top - You'd think that they would consider re-wording that "enter Joan Collins" spiel, wouldn't ya?)

OK. I can't find a link to this, so I've had to paraphrase - I will post a link if/when available. And, that should read "My Country is being destroyed from within" - My typing is as bad as ever!

As you may remember, I've been complaining of having itchy feet of late (metaphorically, of course) and had been thinking of having a holiday - a short European break, perhaps? And where better to pitch up to than the land of my fathers? Or so I thought. Well, I was all set to call a cab for the airport - UK bound - when I was emailed the gist of Joany's recent piece in the Britisher Daily Mail. Seems the place is falling apart - quite literally. Joan paints a shocking picture of a land overtaken by foreigners and anarchists all bet upon dragging the country back into the dark ages. But that's not all. Apparently the little kids are being taught that their country is (please excuse my language here, ladies) an utter craphole and that the whole of British history should be a source of shame for all of us unfortunates who were cursed to have been born there. The polite hordes of thoughtful and considerate white people with whom Joan huddled in the subway during something called WWII has been replaced by an uncaring and anarchic mass who only look at you to see if you have something worth vandalising or are weak enough to stab repeatedly with a sharpened copy of the Socialist Worker/ To cite just one of many examples, Joan tells of 'horse-faced' six footers standing on the hem of her lovely ball gown in the rush he was in to steal the cab she had booked, leaving her isolated on the street to be spat on by the ungrateful 'derelicts' asleep in the doorways. See, this is what we get for giving them a doorway and a cup-a-soup?? Are ya happy Now??

Joan goes on to pinpoint the reasons for this civilazation-crumble overload scenario, as experienced between her leaving the stage door and jumping into the waiting limo:

"The whole scene evoked the image of hordes of inebriated vikings sacking devastated towns. Even during the day, feral mobs roamed the cities with absolute disregard for anyone else's property or well-being. The traditional virtues of male chivalry and female propriety were very far from view"

She goes on:

"Why have we allowed our mores and values to be whittled away by moronically blinkered liberal do-gooders who seem to hate England and being English as much as the Islamist terrorists do?"

Beats me, Joany. But get this for spirit:

"It is possible to argue that Britain has done much more for humanity than any other country in the world..."

Well Joany, I'd put the good ole U.S. of A ahead by a short nose - but I'm hearing ya, lady.

So, with that, I promptly cancelled the E class flights and spent the money on Rebel Yell - Thanks for that, Joany.

Love on ya,


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