I know I can be a very irrascible, thoughtless and insensitive Bob at times, but deep down, under the accumulated layers of cynicism and acerbic defensive-posture antagonism, I'm actually quite a kind, warm-hearted and (very occasionally) generous of spirit type and, much as I'd rather not ruin the image of this blog forever by admitting it in public, I have nothing but very deep affection that occasionally (and rather frighteningly) borders on outright platonic, touchy-feely-emo type lurve for my 12 or so readers. It must take an awful committment (and I really do mean awful) of time and effort on your part to wade through all the bilge that I put up in the vain hope that there might be something worth reading now and again. Obviously you will all know who you are and I probably don't need to say this at all, but I *really* cannot express how much your comments (good, bad or indifferent) and support through the difficult bits have meant and do mean to me and if it wasn't for you, I wouldn't be typing this now. (So, you have only yourselves to blame).
I like to think that a careful re-reading of this blog would show a very pronounced modulation in tone from the anarchic "early funny ones" to some of last week's posts. At the risk of sounding self-congratulatory or conceited, I am very proud of a few of the posts from this week and I'm not being disingenuous when I say that they would never have been written with the same degree of (hopefully it comes across as) sincerity and compassion as I have gained through knowing that there is an (if not loyal) then certainly patient readership out there to receive it.
I think that there's a wonderful contradiction at the heart of blogging. Its basis is the unmediated expression of an individual point of view or attitude. But what has turned this blog (I hope) from a lot of juvenile, vitriolic wanking off into something occasionally interesting that seems to have attracted a core readership of varied and talented readers (I prefer contributors, but hey - I'm only writing this bit - you can quibble with me later down below) is *you lot*. I think together we've made a really lively space here where pretty much anything goes and I like to think that though there are very pronounced "uber fans" who I hope feel very much at home here, we're not too cliquey as to preclude further additions to the party - which reminds me I *will* link to you Istvansky and Spraying the Rays, when I have time over the weekend...
I hope I'm right and that you dear, sweet, regular readers maybe understand the nature of what I'm trying (with your help) to create here. Something that sits on its own outside the noisy, bustling fray of opinion-shaping and petty pointscoring elsewhere. I hope some of our posts have got close to that intimacy that I'm trying to create. To open up as much of myself as I can in the hope that it sheds a little light on what we are all, ultimately, tied up in. If not, I'll just have to keep trying.
So, that's why I don't want this lovely, indefinable thing we're making to be swallowed up by something that puts the making of money above what we can occasionally generate here. Not even a six-figure sum could match what I get from you guys. Thanks for that.
End of lecture.
[Now....how am I gonna match those early 'funny' ones...????]
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