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Wednesday, 2 November 2005

Londoners blast "Olympigs" as cost of games is set to soar.


A clearly indignant Norris: "Travel agents, eh?"

Sebastian Coe, Ken Livingstone and other key members of the team that brought the 2012 Olympics to London have come under fire as it was today revealed that the cost of staging the games could soon become astronomical. Politicians are bracing themselves for a backlash against the games from residents of the capital who may see their already high Council Tax bills rise as a result of poor cost projections when the bid was initially put together. "The bid has been a complete farce as far as costing is concerned", argued Steve Norris, who does something or other to do with London (doesn't he?) "They're like those travel agents who put a ridiculously cheap price on a flight - let's say, for sake of argument, £49 to Madrid. Then, when you've sat down and said, 'I'd like to go to Madrid for £49 please', they turn 'round and say 'sorry mate, the cheapest we can do you is £169 return, stopping overnight at Montpelier'. You're already in the shop so you feel obligated to conclude the deal, only you're paying about £120 more than you wanted to spend. And you have to sleep over in a Southern French dormitory town at yet more expense. Well, imagine the same sort of thing happening with a bid to stage a major international sporting event in the capital of Britain and you've got a pretty good idea of what's happened here", said a clearly indignant Norris.

Johnny Ramone: "stick with it, it will make sense, I promise..."

Norris's fears appear to be well founded. "We've spent over 50 quid on paper napkins and plastic cutlery alone", said a spokesman for Lord Coe, the distinguished Olympian and mastermind of the bid. "Don't forget the paper dinner plates, either - they don't grow on trees. And that's before any calculation of the crisps and nibbly bits - we may have to forego twiglets all together at this rate. Then there's the sausage rolls, quiches and sarnies. Oh, and those cheesey pineapple things on little cocktail sticks - 49p at Asda for a piddly little box - and we'll need tens of thousands of the bloody things! And they'll be wanting some pop too, I shouldn't wonder. Before you know it, you've done a ton on some bottles of R. Whites and a few dozen cans of Fanta for the kiddies. I dread to think what the adults' drink bill will add up to. I know some people might say we're overdoing it, what with the fancy Christmas table spreads and everything. But you can't have people saying you've just cobbled together a bit of a side buffet on the cheap, can you? Especially when the eyes of the world are on you. Good job we're not stumping up for it, is all I can say!"

"Decisions, decisions... Carbona or glue??" Romana ponders the drugs in sport issue at her training camp in Mauritius at 8.26 a.m..

Better news for the London 2012 camp emerged later in the day on the track. Scottish hopeful Carla Romano has qualified with ease for the 20 KM Joey Ramone Lookalikey event. Plucky Carla is a favourite with the bookies to land Britain's first medal. "She was struggling a bit in the first event - the judges just weren't convinced by her "Gimme Gimme Shock Treatment" routine, but she fared better in the "Now I wanna sniff some glue" event. Then, when she nailed her "Beat on the brat", we just knew she'd done enough and the 9.9 from the Danish judges for artistic interpretation was just the icing on the cake, really." GMTV's Hollywood correspondent Romano is expected to face stiffer competition when the event proper begins. "The Americans are always very strong in this event - well, they invented it, after all! And this time is no different. Many of us have a feeling that this could be Emo Phillips' year at long last", said NBC's Duther Cantrell.

"Why the long face?" Emo's year at last?

Elsewhere, Metropolitan Police chief, Sir Ian Bleeeeeeuuuuuurrrggh was cool about the negative impact on security for the event caused by the possibility of parliament rejecting the proposed new anti-terror bill ahead of the games. The laws would allow suspects to be held for 3 months without charge and make the Met's job of preventing terrorist attacks at the games considerably easier as they could arrest absolutely anyone at anytime and then not have to think up an excuse as to why until 3 months later. "Doesn't bother us", said Sir Ian (no relation) "we can shoot them in the head seven or eight times without warning as it is".

The Olympics will take place over on those playing fields over there in about 7 years time.

Love on y'all,


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