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Friday, 4 November 2005

Veil of Secrecy Surrounds BBC Breakfast Presenter Hussein - What Are They Trying to Hide??

Howdy Swipesters!

We here at Swipe Towers would like to apologise in advance for the paucity of verifiable facts in this posting. Let me explain. Over the past week or so, we have been inundated with requests from our rapidly growing readership (15 readers at last count - and growing daily!) to add sultry BBC newsgirl Michal Hussein to our roster of featured Breakfast news presenters. We already get about 25% of our readers via searches for Kate Silverton alone - usually accompanied by the search terms +naked+bunny girl+nocturnal+hunting+small+mammal+talon+close-ups and such like, in case anyone out there is collating this stuff - but that's another story. So, ever-willing to please our readers, when we started to realise that Michal was, as we say in trade, 'giving good box-office', my team of researchers began trying to compile a dossier on the lovely Ms. Hussein only to draw a complete and utter blank (see link at head of posting). After several days of searching, we were only able to unearth this solitary amateur snap of Michal, intriguingly enough, addressing what appears to be some kind of meeting - possibly even a political rally:

But that's it. Nothing else. Diddly squat. Nada. So, we started to wonder what in the heck on earth could be going on here. So, in time-honoured That's Life tradition, we came over all Esther Rantzen and phoned the BBC. They said they couldn't comment just yet, but they would try to send us some publicity photos of gorgeous M. They were sorry if she was giving the impression of being elusive or of having something to hide, but she had been under a lot of pressure recently. When queried as to the nature of this pressure, all they would say was "family business" and then, telling us they'd get those snaps to us by return of post, they hung up. We're still waiting for the pics. We've tried to locate a home number, but the only serious match we could come up with was a Baghdad area code and when our research assistant tried to establish whether she'd got the right number or not, the line was so bad (and the explosions outside were so dang loud!) that she came away unsure if she'd spoken to anyone at all.

Cyril; Fletcher: "time-honoured That's Life ode man"

Now, as you know, the last thing we here at Swipe Towers would want to do is to take this small handful of seemingly unrelated 'facts', rumours and suppositions - the absence of publicity photos, the secretive political meetings, the Baghdad phone number.....that surname....and turn them into a full-blown conspiracy theory with enormous implications for the future of western security and world peace. But look at the photo, dang it. The woman's clearly a dangerous rabble rouser and besides...what's bred in the bone....

Come on! With a father like that, the woman's capable of anything!

So, we hereby call upon the BBC to hand over Michal Hussein forthwith and we issue a call for a citizen's arrest to be carried out on her on the grounds of crimes against humanity. Listen Michal, just come quietly and save us all a lot of heartache and strife, will ya?

Oh, and BBC: can you hurry it up a little with those pics please....this could be another Zoe Telford situation!!

Love on y'all,


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