More encouraging news regarding the deep-rooted humanity of the Great British Public as a survey reveals that one in three of those questioned believe that women who have been raped were 'asking for it' and brought sexual violence on themselves through dressing provocatively, flirting, being pissed up beyond feassibility or just not saying 'no thanks chum' clearly enough. Ever eager to capitalise upon an irrational, ill-informed and hateful mob gut-reaction, the government is planning emergency legislation. It hopes to enforce more modest standards of dress and behaviour among the country's tarts as they binge drink themselves to a chlirotic liver thanks to new all-day drinking laws, so that they are less likely to bring misfortune upon themselves with their foolishly reckless womanly ways.
"Bingedrunk, shag-hungry harlot, gagging for it, obviously"
Government biologists have long warned that merely by possessing buxom breasts, shapely legs and ankles and long, lustrous hair that cascades like a sensuous waterful down their elegantly tapered necks, women are deliberately provoking good, honest red-blooded males to overpower them in a loveless display of arrogant male power that demeans and traumatises the victim, leaving them psychologically scarred and traumatised for years. Using evidence gathered in the recently liberated Iraq, where women have begun to discard the western style clothes they were forced into wearing under Saddam Hussein in favour of more traditionally modest attire and cases of rape have fallen correspondingly, researchers are pushing the government to implement a similar cultural shift in the UK.
Sort your tarts out, Meg!: Minister for Birds, Meg Munn does it for the love of it...
"We feel the results of the Iraqi experiment offer an exceptionally strong argument for taming the pernicious provocations of these cock-teasing strumpets", said a scientist who refused to be named, but you certainly wouldn't mess with him - especially if you were a lass. "They think they can trick us into a life of sinful debauchery with their coy glances and saucy outfits, do they? Well, I can tell you, she'll be feeling the back of my hand if any tart of mine thinks she can go out dressed like that. We haven't brought in all day drinking so these shameless hussies can binge drink themselves senseless before hoisting their skirts up for the world and his wife to see and then spewing up all over the darts oche while we're trying to have a quiet game of cribbage. I say if the Minister for Women can't control her own hareem, she should pack her bloody bags and be off and she can take the bleedin' mother-in-law with her!" Said the scienist before disappearing off to "take the whippet for a walk".
Binge drinking as it should be done.
Meg Munn, The Unpaid Minister for Women, is believed to have worked out a detailed plan of action in response to the alarming findings. She is thought to be recommending the re-introduction of finishing schools, chaperones and curfews for all women under 60. The compulsory wearing of hijab and isolation of menstruating women are said not to have been ruled out. Amidst concerns in some quarters that the new measures might be seen as anti-progressive and deeply sexist, Munn will also be recommending post-incident counselling for males who have committed rape and then been subjected to the awful stigma and trauma of having their private lives dissected in public before eventually being acquitted by the jury because they were obviously led on by a whore seductress with evil on her mind.
Keep up the good work, Meg!
Love on y'all,