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Tuesday, 1 November 2005

Entertainment U.S.A.!! With Roberta Swipe!!!

What ho Swipesters!!

Welcome to sunny Beverly Hills for my monthly round-up of Tinseltown tintinabulations!! A busy week this week, so without further ado....

Bl-AIR Guitar....

Bleeeeuuuurgh: "...industrial disease? I blame Gordon meself, like, manpet....."

UK premier Tony Bleeeeeuuuuuuurgh has given his stongest hint yet that his future lies outside politics. The New Labour leader embarks this month on a short tour with his Chris Rea/Mark Knopfler tribute band. "The PM has a real affinity with the North East - it's real Labour territory after all - and so it's no surprise that his musical heroes should come from that region", said a New Labour PR person. The band, Dire Rea, which features the British Prime Minister on lead guitar and vocals, have been engaged in secret rehearsals for the past six months. Mr. Blair had a special message for the group's fans: "Don't worry, I'm a much better guitar player than I was a Prime Minister. There'll be no completely unwarranted and botched invasions or NHS privatisations with this outfit, I can assure you!" The band loosened up in front of a small audience in the intimate surroundings of the cabinet office. At the warm up gig, Blair took the opportunity to set the political record straight with his between-song banter. "Anyone here from the right wing press?" asked a deadpan Blair before launching into an epic, 20 minute version of Telegraph Road. "This one's for the boys out in Iraq", quipped the PM as the band sauntered through Rea's classic The Road to Hell".

Dire Rea play the Old Trout in Windsor on Nov. 14th.

Mardy Gras...

Mardy: "....what, with these teeth??"

The sky is bilious, like a smear of snot across the horizon, the streets are a crumbling ruin of urban decay and, with environmental calamity impending, the weather forecasters have become the planet's biggest celebrities. No, this is not a humourous item from a spoof newshow. It's the plot of a new BBC adaptation of Martin Amis's dystopian novel, London Fields. In an audacious attempt to bring the supposedly 'unfilmable' modern classic to the small screen, executives have lined up a stellar cast. The film's anti-hero, Keith Talent will be played by weatherman Rob McElwee, with his colleague in meteorology Helen Willetts taking on the role of uber vamp, Nicola Six. "It's a real honour to have been chosen to play Nicola ahead of all the other saucy weather babes. She's a real femme fatale who toys with the male characters, Keith and Guy, in the hope that one of them will bump her off. W-e-i-r-d!! It'll be interesting playing opposite Rob as I once won a score off him in a strip poker tournament and he's always vowed to get his revenge on me one day! That will certainly add some spice to the seduction scene - although the day of the shoot looks as if it could be a bit blustery with heavy showers moving in from the North East and persistent cloud cover keeping those temperatures rather on the chilly side...", said the glamourous weather-girl, as she fastened her stays.

London Fields will be broadcast in January on BBC4.

Willetts: "winds light to variable, with a huge cack of snot green cloud over dogshit park..."

...and finally...

Blogney: "putting the zz back into British Jazz..."

A big happy birthday to veteran jazz legend and inventor of the weblog, Blog Toddney. Toddney celebrates his 50th today with a mega showbiz bash here in the Hollywood Hills. The star-studded gathering will include such luminaries as Isobel Lang, Fern Britten and Rufus Sewell. The renowned jazz double bassist, famously referred to as the George Melly of British jazz, is expected to play a new composition for the elite gathering. To hear a special peak preview of the song, Good Bloggin' Tonight, click here....

Have a great one Blog!! You're looking good on it and we all love you here at the show!!!

Love on y'all (especially M. Blogney!),


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