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Thursday, 3 November 2005

Take the "O" out of the Countryside Alliance campaign - an update!

Yo Swipesters!!

What a fantastic response there's been to this appeal from our readers - I really can't thank you all enough. I would like, in particular to thank Ally McBeal and Arrested Development star Portia di Rossi for her unstinting help over the last couple days. I really dread to think where the campaign would be today without her incredible sacrifices and unimaginable agility. Thanks, P!

As regular readers will know, the lunatics in the New Labour government have hit on yet another brainless scheme to inhibit the activities of any group that disagrees with them. In a ridiculous piece of politically correct bureacracy gone mad, they will hit organisations with 10 or more non-consonants in their name with an outrageous "vowel congestion" tax - and yes, before you ask, they do count the letter "Y" as a vowel. This has obviously hit a very vowel-heavy organisation like The Countryside Alliance pretty darn hard - the levy for each additional vowel over and above the regulation 9 is a staggering £43 million! So, you can see how imperative it is that we act. As a result of this alphabetical mentalism, we here at Swipe Towers have been working frantically to draw attention to this disgraceful word-gerrymandering and are trying to reduce the Alliance's vowel-count by campaigning to rid it of it's letter "O". Doing so would not only bring the lobbying group for the preservation of retarded rural rituals back within the tax threshold but, due to a typically labyrinthine Brownite loophole, would actually see the Alliance qualify for an "O" impairment rebate as a a consequence of it's being an organization without a nice, fat, round, cuddly letter in it. So, Swipesters, here's the great news. We've managed to reduce the "O" by a staggering 50%!! That's right, in just 24 hours, your donations have enabled us to halve the size of the "O" so the rural solidarity campaigners' name now looks some thing like this:

The Ccuntryside Alliance

But before we start patting ourselves on the back too heartily, let's remember that even half a vowel over the limit still qualifies the Alliance to pay the full duty. So, p-l-e-a-s-e!!!! Let's just give it one last big effort. Just remember, in the immortal words of the poem - "....a rush and a push and the Cuntryside is ours!!"

(Oh, P. Could I have the handcuffs and the chainmail miniskirt back sometime? They don't grow on trees you know!)

Love on y'all,


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