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Wednesday, 2 July 2014

B-Tech Jazz Wanker....

We overheard him in the Rajpoot Indian restaurant, Gabriel Street, Stives (Excellent onion bhajis, large portions, tasty veggie korma and bhuna). He was with two likeminded jazzsters - one was Americano or Canadian, the other from the north of England and it sounded like they were organising some music event or other - at a guess, a jazz one. Anyroad, B-Tech Jazz Wanker (that's not his real name, you understand, I've just cobbled together some salient points concerning the chap, namely that he was a wanker who taught Jazz at B-Tech level in order to give the otherwise unnamed a handle of some sort) had one of those voices - I'm sure you know the sort - that can be heard by a whole restaurant, no matter how seemingly discreet they're being - and he was prattling on about how when he was in the States last time, with Wynton, Wynton was such great fun, but, you see, the thing about Wynton is that he's such a conspiracy theorist, man (yes, he actually said man as in 'hey, man' - and quite a lot, too, for an adult not living in 1967 at any rate) you know, like Wynton's convinced that there's this secret cabal of about 5 or 6 men who really run the world - yeah, I know, it's crazy isn't it, man? And Wynton's really passionate about this, right - and Wynton actually said this to me - Wynton said that if those guys who really rule the world had their way, there'd be like no black people left on the face of the earth. Wynton actually believes that man! Oh and have you met Branford? Oh Branford's great fun too, man...

[New paragraph:] So, this kind of thing went on all night until, as we were about to leave the restaurant, I went up to the jazzsters' table and said, "excuse me, I couldn't help overhearing your conversation. You know Wynton, right? Ah, that's really great, man. Listen, could you do me a favour? Next time you see Wynton, could you ask him something for me? Could you ask him if he has any plans to do another series of Supermarket Sweep?"

[new paragraph:] Wanker.

NB: I didn't really. Why can't life be more like fiction?

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