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Wednesday 2 July 2014

The Urghers...

...and now, it's time for our weekly round up of goings on in Umbridge with The Urghers...

'TUMTY-TUM-TY-TUMTY-TUM-TUMTY-TUM-TY TUM TUM....'

Anthea is causing quite a stir amongst some of the Umbridge locals with her new comedy breast shaped hotpots, although Maurice is unimpressed and Tom says he'll stick with his ‘overpriced convenience food’ thank you very much even though Anthea has promised to model a pair for him if he still thinks that he'll find anything to match them in the ready meals section of the Umbridge Asda all of which is a bitter blow to Maurice and Jazzer who have decided to give up collecting eggshells for Mozambique and were going to start collecting Fray Bentos steak and mushroom pie tin foil lids for Uganda, blissfully unaware that Anthea has secretly bought up a job lot of them to customise with glace cherries which leaves Eddie to admit to Ruth that he still has concerns about Joe who, even with his calliper off, is a shadow of his former self - although he did prove to be a natural in the midfield holding role for the Umbridge XI before getting stupidly sent off for cything down the opposition's centre half who was though on goal with only Joe to beat by using one of his crutches and he's now worried that his three week suspension might mean he's not even able to make it to the micro-brewery visit, which poor Jim is really looking forward to as only a recovering alcoholic can, though Maurice is surprised when Lynda approaches him for the eponymous leading role in the Robin Hood production playing Friar Tuck but is quick to denounce Lynda’s big plans and says he has no inclination at all to make his debut now unless he can take over from Jazzer in the role of Maid Marion, using a split down the middle Friar/Tart costume in the style of the late Tommy Cooper, an idea to which Jazzer is beginning to come round to when Mike, who is awaiting results of a sputum test following the death of two calves is relieved to find out that the results are positive - it was definitely sputum - but when Alistair finally stops by with the good news Caroline and Oliver are unsure how to react especially as Joe’s rejection of their compensation offer has left them feeling that, although on the one hand, an increased offer could put an end to the whole scenario; on the other, a renewed offer could put an end to the whole scenario, causing Joe’s solicitor’s to push for more than just a printed apology in the Umbridge Argos and a large portion of chips and we'll say no more about it but just as they're beginning to come arould to the idea if he'll throw in a pickled egg each, Caroline is further set back when she finds out Kathy will be leaving the Health Club, taking all of her creativity and expertise with her along with several exercise bikes, a dozen treadmills, four of those rowing boat type seats and her complete collection of flat screen television monitors all of which leaves Helen feeling overwhelmed.

'TUMTY-TUM-TY-TUMTY-TUM-TUMTY-TUM-TY TUM TUM....'

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