Well, can you believe it? Those joyless bureaucrats at the International Olympic Committee have done it again. As London starts to prepare for the great and joyful events that will make up the 2012 Olympics, news has reached Swipe Towers that British competitors are to be disqualified from a first-time Olympic event before they have even had the chance to compete!
Yes, you heard right. The British competitors who, for reasons of legality and idleness must remain nameless, recently took part in qualifying rounds of the Freestyle shooting competition and had acheived the requisite score to ensure a place in the 2012 final with some ease - even winning points for artistic interpretation and fair play. Consequently, they had already started to prepare in earnest for their big chance and were confident that they could do well in a a strong international field. Some were even tipping the British team to bring back gold in the new Olympic sport, and the boys were confident that they could do the nation proud.
Then came the bombshell. The British team's score was declared void. Despite having dispatched their Brazilian opponent with style and grace and within the 2 minute time limit, all their efforts had been in vain. All for nothing, the astute identification of the target - despie being hampered by a team member caught short by the call of nature just as the opponent entered the arena. For nought the brisk chase over hazardous urban terrain, the deft dispatch of the required five bullets to the head of their completely overwhelmed and spread-eagled foe at point blank range. Frutratingly, a minor administrative oversight was about to deprive London's finest of the opportunity to test their mettle against the best that the U.S., Israel and Iraq has to offer. Medal glory was cruelly snatched away from Britain's hopefuls because they had used an illegal gun.
Protestations form Lord Coe and Sir Steve Redgrave, Tani Grey Thompson and Denise Lewis have fallen on deaf ears and it would seem that even the intervention of Culture Minister Tessa Jeeeuuuggggghhhhwell has failed to convince the Committee of merits of the British case.
In a completely unrelated incident, 3 proposed Olymic shooting events have been pulled from the London games because the types of weapons involved were outlawed after the Dunblaine massacre.