Recognition at last...

Regular readers will know that we are here at Swipe Towers are immune to the whims and fancies of popular opinion (why else, dear reader, would your humble scribe be typing this kitted out in flared Rupert trousers, a sombrero and a pair of pink, 22 hole Doctor Marten boots as she is if that were not the case?) No, say what you like about us, but we have never courted the good opinions of our readers when we sensed there was more cash in being outrageous and pissing people off with our childish and ill-considered outbursts (usually about Muslims...)

So it came as some surprise, going through the mail this morning, to find a hefty package wherein was wrapped a pre-publication, complimentary copy of the latest edition of Who's Who. With eager mitts, our highly trained staff had quickly figured out the organising principles of the text - entries are filed alphabetically in surname order, apparently - and yours truly was presented with the following entry:

Swipe, Roberta: 1945- Performance artiste, eminence gris, lay prostitute. Author of three highly acclaimed* works of popular music (Madcap in the Attic, Bedroom Burlesque, The One Where She's Garbed up Like a Studiously Ignored Lap Dancer on the Front) and host of long-running and entirely tedious blog (The Roberta Swipe Show) and its sister publication, the podcast of the same name. Interests: Tara Fitzgerald, Bivouacing, Oat-based alternatives to dairy, prostitution. Clubs: Arsenal F.C. (discontinued), Tufty, Six iron. Positions held: no comment. Education: Rhonda Valley School for the Gifted (1957-1971), Lyndsay Kemp school of Pretending to be Stuck behind a Pane of Glass (1967-1980), Harry Palmer Academy of Correct Pronunciation (retired hurt). Family: wife of Robert, no children that she knows of, although there does seem to be an uncanny similarity between Mr. Swipe and the last three winners of the One Thousand Guineas steeplechase. Politics: left of centre Buddhist with anarcho-syndicalist leanings.

*They make excellent draft excluders, apparently...

So, there you have it. Meet the new boss - same as the old boss, only with slightly more eccentric arrangements in the pantalon department.

It won't change me, of course...