Yesterday, S. and I finally did something about our woeful telecommunications situation. My old PC, itself a hand me down from the Tottenham supporting Bro-in-Law (you see, they really can't be trusted..) has never been the same since I somewhat foolishly attempted to secure myself a Russian bride (there was a very tempting 2 fer deal and I happened to have a few roubles left on the old Barclaycard - you know how it is...) and somehow downloaded what I believe is known technically in techygeeknerd circles as "one almighty motherf***** of a Trojan" (I thought they were supposed to prevent unwanted occurences, not cause them!) Well, whatever it is, this virus or pest or whatever has made use of the PC if not actually impossible, then certainly frustrating and erratic (it only allows internet access in 30 minute bursts - hardly conducive to the sort of seriously wrist-straining uses to which I had been hoping to put this exciting and progressive interactive technology)
So, finally tiring of my curses and mug smashing and work surface kicking over, S., with the pained expression of one who knows that all resistance is useless, agreed to allow me to spend a small fortune on my credit card to purchase the nice looking laptop she had picked out (with no knowledge of the capabilities, memory size, RAM, ROM, Wee-wee Pooh pooh etc. of the specifications). Fortunately, she chose well (100 GB memory and lots of other numbers and figures that sound very impressive, even though I understand them not a jot) and for an additional mere "no beer for the next 3 months" we were fortunate to be supplied with a wireless router so that I can now annoy the wits out of S. by cackling maniacally along to old Vivian Stanshall radio documentaries whilst she is attempting to re-watch the Coronation Street omnibus in between despatching me to the kitchen for another can of El-cheapo Primus Premium Strength Belgian Lager & c from the comfort of my own living room.
So, should anyone wish to do so, all you will need in order to simulate the Roberta Swipe Sunday afternoon experience is the following:
One wirelessly routed HP laptop.
1 pair headphones.
4-6 cans El-cheapo Primus Premium Strength Belgian Lager (chasers optional).
One Vivian Stanshall Radio documentary (Click on the Radio 2 Documentary link here - it's about an hour long and is narrated by Stephen "Steve" Fry, but don't let that put you off...."The Young Ones" is hilarious too - done in his "old fruit" voice. Brilliant!)
© 2006 Swipe Enterprises
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