Friday, 7 October 2005
Bush Told Me To Devastate Southern US Coast, Claims God.
In a firmly worded statement, God has denied being responsible for the recent chaos caused by hurricanes Katrina and Stan. "Acts of God? Schmacts of God", said the immortal omniscience from his Colorado ranch. "Sure, I have a bit of a history when it comes to laying waste to vast tracts of lands for no apparant reason and parting seas and what not - but this is ridiculous! I know I have a reputation for being quite Old Testament on these matters, but come on! Would I really turn on my own people like this unless there was a very important geo-political objective to be had out of it? Of course not.
What happened was that George Bush came to me in a vision and told me to wreak wanton havoc and misery across the southern states of the US - and as you know, George is a very tough guy to refuse! You don't argue with him for long!! At first I couldn't quite see the method in his madness - what's the deal here? I thought. Is this another 9/11 style pretext for some ridiculous war in the middle east or something? But as we all know, George works in mysterious ways his wonders to perform and, besides, who am I to argue with his judgement? I mean, the guy went to Harvard and Yale for My Son's sakes!! No, this one was definitely George's baby! But I have to hold my hands up for Iraq - that was my idea. Hell, can't a guy louse up once in a while? Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a date with Richard Dawkins - we have some issues over Intelligent Design and Oprah has agreed to mediate..."
Love on y'all,