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Wednesday, 5 October 2005

Kelly calls for new inquiry into Kelly death, whilst Kelly slams Kelly over top up fees.

Yo Swipesters!

Amiable Stars in their Eyes host, Matthew Kelly, has caused a stir by issuing an outspoken critique of PM Tony Bleeeeeuuurgh's foreign policy and calling for a new investigation into the circumstances leading up to the death of government scientist, Dr. David Kelly.

Speaking on BBC Breakfast news, the visibly distraught TV presenter, family entertainer and pantomime regular said, "It still chills my blood when I remember hearing that Dr. Kelly had died. I think the country changed utterly and for the worse on that sad day. Since then, it's just been one thing after another - Iraq, the London Bombings, that poor Brazilian lad, Robin Cook... I know it seems like raking over old coals, but the wounds from David Kelly still haven't healed as far as I'm concerned. And after the way that that poor de Menezes boy was just gunned down in cold blood, I find it harder and harder to believe that such a spiritual man as David Kelly would take his own life. Despite the two previous Inquiries, I think there's still a lot we haven't been told and I for one wouldn't trust that Tony Bleeeeurgh as far as I could throw him. The media is just as bad. They'll say anything to get a story and keep their sales and viewing figures up. Just look how I was treated when they tried to make out I was a paedophile. There should be an inquiry into that lot too while we're at it"

In a seperate development, Matthew's brother, Henry Kelly

blasted Education Secretary Reeeeeuuuuuughth Kelly

over the goverment's policy of top up fees for University tuition. "If you ask me, the woman's a mentalist", said the jovial Irishman. "If it was up to me, she'd be rotting in the tower. I can't stick her meself. I thought that Charles Clarke was bloody useless, but she's beyond the pale..."

Going for Gold returns to BBC1 on Monday 10th October.

Love on y'all,


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