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Thursday, 6 October 2005

More Kelly Woe For Labour as Kelly Blasts ‘Class betrayal’, Kelly Offers Punch- up and Mother Kelly’s Daughter waits in wings!

Morning Swipesters!

More trouble for the Government ahead as Lorraine Kelly

joined Matthew Kelly and Henry Kelly in criticising New Labour, this time the attack pinpointing the party’s bullying tactics and the inherent conservatism of its leadership. In an impassioned outburst on her GMTV breakfast slot, the feisty Scot denounced Tony Bleeeeuuurgh’s administration for betraying “five generations of good, honest working class people”. In what is being widely interpreted as a belated response to the shoddy treatment of 82 year-old Labour activist Walter Wolfgang at the Labour Party Conference, Kelly laid into the party for not delivering a more radical socialist agenda, despite growing voter alienation for the New Labour project. “My grandparents would be turning in their graves”, said the sexy lifestyle show presenter, “if they could see what Bleeeeurgh has done to their party – well, they would if they were dead. He’s totally f**cked up in Iraq and he’s all but squandered the sense of good will and optimism he inherited when he swept to power in that landslide of 1997. I used to really look up to him as someone who was going to make the country a better, more decent place to live, but now I wouldn’t frig into a frying pan for him if his bollocks were on fire”, Kelly concluded – clearly highly emotional.

Lorraine Kelly’s outburst rounded off a terrible week of strained relations between New Labour and the Kelly clan. Food & Drink presenter Chris Kelly had already laid into the Bleeeeurgh cabinet saying, “Come ‘round here, giving it all that about social justice and ‘banishing the forces of conservatism’. I’ll chin the lot of yer if you ever come ‘round my way. Twats.” Kelly’s words had barely ceased reverberating around the Cabinet Office before Labour spin-doctors were again put on the back foot by another Kelly-inspired PR crisis. Matthew Kelly emotionally called for a third inquiry into the events leading up to the death of Dr. David Kelly, before brother Henry weighed into “mentalist” Education Secretary Reeeeuuuughth Kelly. Ministers are bracing themselves for a further assault this week – from an unlikely quarter. Princess Caroline of Monaco, the daughter of the late Grace Kelly, is a long time critic of “tory-lite” Labour policy and is thought to have seen the duffing up of an elderly man by hired heavies as the last straw.

“If Caroline goes off on one, it’ll shit us right up”, said a Labour party spokesman from behind the letterbox of 10 Downing Street.

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